


Breaking The Silence

by BexieID



Series: The Best Is Yet To Come [1]
Category: Casualty - Fandom
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Drug Use, Drug Withdrawal, Drugged Sex, F/M, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, M/M, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Past Abuse, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-30
Updated: 2018-03-08
Packaged: 2019-02-24 05:07:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 30
Words: 30,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13206615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BexieID/pseuds/BexieID
Summary: This is quite dark. Certainly like nothing I've written so far. If I can't write something dark about my favourite character, then what is the point in writing? Although it's not Dylan being dark himself, which could be kinda interesting to do in another story.Graphic description of rape. I'll put up warnings for certain chapters. I was going to have Dylan reflect on what's happened to him in a flashback. Have taken the option to just tell the story as it happens, but it will go back and forth between his ordeal and him being found. Then it will play out in the right order at chapter 10.I have not fully planned this story out. It started going in one direction and then I added my own characters to it.Please don't hate me for taking Dylan on this path. That winter trailer gave us all many theories as to what happens to Dylan. Although I wouldn't wish rape on anyone, I'm hoping Casualty do go that way because it will be amazing watching Will Beck act that storyline and heart breaking at the same time.





	1. December 31st

Dylan hated New Years Eve. Almost as much as he hated Christmas. He'd spent another Christmas alone on the boat but he didn't want to spend another New Year on his own, however much he hated it!

He had decided to venture into one of the pubs he passed sometimes, depending on what way he walked to/from the ED. At 8pm, it wasn't very busy. He sat at the bar and ordered himself a double Whiskey.

People came and went as Dylan nursed his drink. He hated people and wondered why he'd bothered coming in here as he looked around at everyone enjoying themselves.

Dylan didn't notice that he was being watched by a man in a hoodie sat alone. The man even ignored the people he'd arrived at the pub with, brushing them off, pretending to be interested in his phone, when he was really staring at Dylan. The man finished his drink and went up to the bar to get another. He purposely didn't stand anywhere near Dylan but managed to take a photo of him in the reflection from the mirrored wall of the bar. He ordered a bottle of Whiskey, poured himself some, and told the barkeeper to give the rest to the good looking guy with the beard. He sat back down and watched as Dylan was given the bottle.

Dylan eyed the bottle suspiciously at first. Who on earth would buy him a bottle? In a pub where he knew nobody? He nodded a thanks and poured out some. The man just smiled.

*****

Dylan had only ever really been in fights when he was drunk. He had his crazy family to thank for that. This was the first time he'd been in a proper one for years. He was very much out of practice, so he tried walking away from the people he'd provoked. One of them managed to wrestle him to the floor, pinning him down. Dylan's vision went and came back again, trying to focus on the broken glass inches from his face.

Whoever was pinning him down, was removed and he was helped up by the man that had been watching him, his friends with worried looks. "You ok?", the man asked.

"Yes", Dylan said rather awkwardly. The man sat him down where he and his friends had been sitting. 

"Look, we're just about to head to a club if you fancied coming with us?"

Dylan raised an eyebrow in surprise. Was this man asking him out? "I'm not gay".

The man smiled. "That's a shame because you are absolutely gorgeous", he whispered into Dylan's ear. "The offers there anyway". The man got up and spoke to his friends, watching them leave. "I told them to go on ahead".

Dylan looked at the man. "You should join them. Have fun and enjoy yourself"

"And be worried about you?"

"You don't need to worry about me. No one does"

"That's not true. There's always someone that would worry or miss us if we're not around"

"Dervla would miss me"

"Girlfriend?"

"Dog"

"Ah, yes Nemo would miss me. I'm Zack by the way"

"Dylan"

"Nice to meet you", Zack said offering Dylan his hand. Dylan shook his hand back. "I'm hungry, let's ditch this place. I know a nice chippy just down the road"

Dylan wasn't interested in the chips but thought being outside might clear his mind a bit. 

*****

"So, you're a Doctor? That's so cool. Sexy and brainy" Dylan rolled his eyes. He definitely felt more coherent in the cold crisp night. "I still don't know what I want to do in life. I wanted to be a Photographer". Zack pulled out a camera and started taking photos of Dylan. "If I go back to college, can you be my living photo study?"

"College? How old are you?"

"20. How old are you?"

"Old enough to be your father". Dylan noticed the way Zack recoiled at the mention of his father.

"If only he was a nice as you"

"You don't even know me"

"I know you'd never hurt me and that's good enough for me. Here it is. Be back in a second"

Dylan watched Zack enter the chippy. So Zack had a bad relationship with his father like he had with Brian. Dylan checked his phone and sent everyone a Happy New Year message.

*****

They walked along with their chips until they found a bench. They sat in companionable silence until the first sounds of cheers and fireworks filled the air.

"Happy New Year Dylan" Zack lent over and kissed him. Dylan was too surprised to recoil back, instead remaining very still. "I'm sorry. I know you're not gay" Dylan frowned at him. Like a lost little boy, waiting on instructions as to what to do next.

"It's fine. It's the drink talking"

Zack knew it wasn't in his case. He really liked Dylan, even if he was older than him. He'd always liked older men. He felt safe with them. Which is why he was reluctant to leave Dylan now that his friends weren't around. He knew his ex had threatened to kill him, but he also knew that he wouldn't with a witness. Or so he thought.


	2. January 3rd

It was David's lunch break and he was worried. Worried that Dylan hadn't turned up to work today. He had not phoned in sick. He also hadn't responded to the numerous text messages/voicemails he had left his friend. David was that worried, that he went to the ambulance station to see if Sam was around. He'd never really spoken to Dylan's ex wife before, but he wanted to ask her if he'd ever done anything like this in their married life.

David found Sam and Iain. "Sam, can I have a word? In private?". Iain made his excuses. 

Sam gestured for David to sit down. She had never really spoken to the nurse and wondered what he could possibly want.

"When did you last hear from Dylan?"

Sam was surprised at the question. And the realisation that since her first day back at Holby, she hadn't had a conversation with her ex. "He sent me a text wishing me a Happy New Year"

"Me too. He's not responded to any text I've sent since then"

"Maybe he's taken the boat away for a few days?"

"He was due in work today at 7. He's never late. Well, not this late"

Sam raised an eyebrow intrigued to know why Dylan would have been late previously. He was always a very punctual man. "When do you get off shift?"

"7".

"Ok, I'll meet you here then. I'm sure there's nothing to worry about"

*****

David couldn't help but worry in the ride over to the marina. Sam had taken an RRV with Iain's permission. They parked next to Dylan's Land Rover. Sam found it amusing that Dylan still had it. He was never one to get rid of things.

David could see Dylan's boat. The lights were not on. However, as they got closer, they could see Dervla tied up outside. 

"Dylan would never leave Dervla tied up like this", Sam said untying her.

"It looks like someone's broken into the boat". Sam looked up as David made to go inside. 

"Be careful. They could still be in there". David nodded as he went into the boat. The whole living area was ransacked. 

Sam followed with Dervla. "She's cold and needs a blanket". David grabbed the blanket that was always on the sofa. How unusual that it was still there? "Any sign of Dylan?"

David shook his head and made his way to the bedroom. He was shocked to find the room littered with empty whiskey bottles, syringes and most of all an unconscious Dylan, slumped in the chair. "Dylan!". David checked for a pulse and was relieved to find one. "Sam, he's in here".

Sam was also very shocked at the sight that greeted her in the bedroom. He'd been drinking again. That much was obvious. Putting on a pair of gloves, she picked up a syringe. "Think that's some kind of sedative. This really doesn't look too good David"

David was trying to wake Dylan, unsuccessfully so. "Has he been attacked?". David couldn't see any physical damage to Dylan, apart from a cut on the left side of his face.

Sam's heart sank as she looked at the bed covers. Please no she found herself saying in her head. There was blood and semen stains. She looked over at Dylan, her heart breaking for the man she had once loved. She couldn't help but let the tears that had formed in her eyes fall down.

David looked up at her. "Sam?". He got up and went over to her. "Oh". He saw what Sam had seen. David hugged Sam. They stood like this for a moment until Dylan made a noise.

"Dylan? Dylan are you ok?"

"I feel.... like I've done..... twenty rounds ........ with Mike Tyson......". Dylan tried to stand up but winced in pain.

"Do you remember what happened?" 

"Where's Der'bla?"

"She's fine"

"I think..... ran....off"

"We should get him to the ED"

Sam knew that this would be the last thing Dylan would want, especially if her suspicions were right. "No, we'll stay with him"

"We should call the police"

"No...no police"

"Dylan, the boats been broken into. You've been...hurt". Sam couldn't bring herself to say what she suspected. She didn't know how much he remembered. "I'll call the local SARC and see what they advise"

"We don't know for sure that he has been raped"

"I know David. But look at the state of those covers, the drugs. Dylan has never taken drugs"

"And the whiskey? I've never seen him drink"

"I have. He's a recovering alcoholic. He'd been doing so well" Sam suddenly felt guilty that he'd started drinking again because she'd returned to Holby.

"We need to talk. But later. Let's get him more comfortable"

"Ok. But we can't touch anything"

"No. But I want to check that he's not hurt"

Sam nodded. "We need to get him on his front"

Once Dylan was on his front, Sam burst into tears. There were not only blood and semen stains on Dylan's trousers but there was fresh blood too. David pulled on some gloves and with Sam's help, they pulled the trousers down. Dylan wasn't wearing any underwear. 

"You sure you're ok to do this?"

"As an army medic I had this task"

"Yes, but it wasn't someone you loved"

"And I love him enough to do this for him"

*****

The person at SARC Sam spoke to recommended they bring Dylan in for medical attention. She had told them she was more than capable of performing the exam herself but they advised she didn't.

"I still think we should have taken him to the ED"

"You know what happens. He'd be prodded and poked back at the ED. The humiliation of that alone, by the people he works with, would destroy him"

"And being raped won't?"

"You know what Dylan is like. He puts on an emotionless exterior but deep down he's the most emotional person you probably know"

David agreed with that. He'd seen first hand with how Dylan had dealt with Sanosi. From finding him on the beach in France to having to let him go.

"I think we're going to need help getting him to the car"

*****

Iain arrived at the boat with a wheelchair. He'd been shocked when Sam had told him what had happened on the phone. "Has he said anything about what happened?"

David shook his head. "He's been drugged. He refuses to let us call the police though"

"That's understandable. It's bad enough when someone's invaded your home without the police going through everything"

David nodded in agreement remembering when his own home was burgled. This didn't look like a burglary though to him. Nothing had actually been taken that he could see. Yet the boat had definitely been broken into and poor Dervla left outside.

Sam came out of the bedroom. "He's as ready as he'll ever be". She watched as David and Iain helped Dylan out of the bedroom and out of the boat. 

Once safely secured into the wheelchair, Dylan noticed Dervla. She was more than happy to see him as he was her, and began to cry. He remembered her cries for him when he'd been so drugged up he couldn't get to her to comfort her.

Sam sat in the back of the RRV next to Dylan, taking his hand in hers for support.


	3. January 1st

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Graphic description of rape and dubious consent. You have been warned!

Dylan decided the right thing to do regarding Zack was to offer him the sofa for the night. He was glad he had when he saw the relief on Zacks face.

"Thank you Dylan. My dad would have killed me coming back so late"

"I'd only be worried about you if you'd refused" Dylan surprised himself. There was a time when he wouldn't have given it any thought.

"It's so cool that you live on a boat! And Dervla is beautiful". Zack took out his camera once more.

Dylan sat on the chair opposite Zack and Dervla. The last time he'd seen her so happy was with Sanosi. He closed his eyes in an attempt at pushing those thoughts aside. His reverie was broken however by a crashing noise from outside and the sound of his door being forced open. Dylan noticed that Zack tried to hide behind Dervla as two guys entered the living area.

"What do we have here?"

"What a pretty boy you have for us Zack"

"Wha? No? Leave him alone!"

"And where would the fun be in that?"

The bigger of the two guys injected Zack with something whilst the other took Dervla outside. Dylan was too shocked to even move.

The guys then grabbed Dylan and pushed him into the bedroom. Dylan tried to stop them. "I suggest you cooperate or that bitch of yours will end up in the marina"

"Dervla?". Dylan felt tears welling up. His alcohol adled brain found it hard to keep up with what was happening. He knew whatever it was didn't look good. He wanted to fight them off but his love for Dervla was the only thing he knew that would get him through this.

Dylan felt cool air on his legs as his trousers were removed. He tried to stop his underwear being pushed down but his hands were forcibly pulled out in front of him and he was pushed downwards onto the bed.

"What a pretty arse you have there. My cock is getting hard just looking at it"

"No. Please no". Dylan was panicking. He didn't want this. His hair was roughly grabbed and his head jerked upwards. He opened his eyes, vision blurred with tears. His nose was pinched hard and a cock was shoved in his mouth before he had time to breathe.

Dylan then felt hands on his arse and a wet tongue probing him open. His hips bucked as the tongue began fucking him. His body betraying him in a natural response.

The guy fucking his mouth quickened his pace. Dylan felt the other guys cock at his entrance. "I really hope that's going to be enough preparation. You're so tight. I would guess that I'm your first?". He laughed as he roughly grabbed Dylan's hips and pushed his way in.

Dylan had known that this would be painful. He also knew that he'd be damaged internally with so little preparation. But knowing all this hadn't prepared him for that burning fiery pain he now felt.

"You feel so good. Nice and tight around me". The guy nipped at Dylan's neck. "Relax. I won't hurt you too much"

Dylan was at least thankful that his body was being given chance to adjust, rather than just being fucked outright. The cock in his mouth came and Dylan had no choice but to swallow it down. He closed his eyes remembering something he thought he'd forgotten years ago.

"There's a good boy. Think he's done that before"

The guy inside Dylan smiled as he pulled out and pushed his way back in. "Were you a little cock tease as a teen? I bet you were. I bet you had all the boys wanting you"

The other guy sat on the chair and picked up Dylan's wallet that had fallen on the floor. "Wow, he's loaded". He pulled out the money. 

"Do we have a name?"

"Dylan Keogh"

"Dylan" the man purred into his ear. Setting a pace as he drove himself in and out. 

"He's a Doctor. At Holby ED"

"Doctor Keogh" the man purred. "I've always wanted a Doctor"

Dylan just wanted this to be over with. His knees and hands were hurting. He didn't think he could be anymore embarrassed when he came with a loud grunt.

"I think Doctor Keogh likes this". The guy pulled Dylan's legs upwards to give him a better angle. Dylan cried out as his prostrate was hit relentlessly. "Ah, I found your sweet spot Doctor Keogh". 

Moments later the guy came gleefully inside Dylan as Dylan passed out.

*****

Dylan woke up on his back. He wasn't alone. "Zack?" 

"Shhh! I don't want them to know you're awake"

"Them?"

"My ex and his brother. I'm so sorry Dylan"

Dylan's mind felt fuzzy. He looked around the room trying to focus on something. He barely registered he was in his bedroom on the boat. "What happened?"

"My ex, Danny, followed us here with his brother Jonny. They broke in. I'm so sorry"

Dylan watched as Zack cried and then he remembered with horrifying clarity what had happened. He didn't feel any pain but he assumed he'd been injected with something given the empty syringe he could see. "See that skylight, you need to escape and go for help"

Zack looked up and shook his head. "I'm not leaving you"

"You have to. I can't move. They must have given me some kind of muscle relaxant"

Zack nodded. "They did with me"

"Did they touch you?"

"No. But they want me to..." Zack couldn't bring himself to say it. "I won't though"

"And what won't you do Zachary?". Zack cowered in fear as Danny entered the room. "I know you want to be filled with his cock"

"Not like this I don't". Zack put his hands on his hips in defiance. Dylan saw himself in Zack. How he had started doing that to make himself seem stronger than he was to protect himself from someone who was supposed to care for him. And from someone he had grown up thinking was a kindred spirit and had shattered that illusion when Dylan was 14.

"I suggest you prepare yourself and obey me. You know the consequences if you don't". Zack watched helplessly as Danny left the room.

"What do you need me to do? If you're not going to escape, at least let me help you?"

"Why would you want to help me when I got you into this?"

"It's the done thing is it not? Besides, this won't be nowhere near as bad as what they've already done to me". Dylan couldn't believe he was volunteering to do this. Letting his body be used like this.

Feeling emboldened, Zack made his way over to Dylan. "If you're sure?". He watched Dylan nod. "Can you move at all?" Dylan moved his arms and legs a tiny bit. "If we start slowly then you should get movement back soon"

Dylan watched Zack take of his jeans and boxers. He then straddled Dylan. "I meant what I said yesterday. You are gorgeous. I know you're not gay but, can I kiss you?"

Dylan nodded. The kiss Zack had given him before hadn't been as horrible as Brian had made out kissing another man would be. Dylan let Zack kiss him and once more, it wasn't that different to kissing a woman. Although if Zack had a beard like he did, that opinion might differ. "Don't you need to prepare yourself?"

Zack grinned at Dylan. He then reached down and held out a butt plug. "I'm always prepared". Dylan just stared at it and remembered the time a guy once came into the ED when he was training with one stuck up his anus.

"We need you ready though". Zack licked at Dylan's cock. Again, Dylan's body betraying him as he got hard. Zack pulled off after a couple of mins and looked at Dylan. "Are you sure?"

Dylan screwed up his eyes. He'd already decided at the start of all this that he was just going to play along, let them do what they wanted to protect Dervla. Get it over and done with. Telling himself that it was just sex, detaching himself from what was happening. Like he'd done when he was 14. "Yes", he managed to say with as much conviction as he could.

Their eyes met as Zack lined himself up against Dylan's cock. He slowly sunk down, more for Dylan's benefit than his own. He then started moving himself up and down, touching his own cock.

Logically, Dylan knew that this wasn't that much different to having sex with a woman and this time he didn't feel as embarrassed when he came.

Zack got off Dylan and with a last few strokes came himself. He sat awkwardly on the edge of the bed. He flinched when Dylan touched his arm. "You ok?". Dylan watched Zack run out of the room in tears.

"Wow, I think the Doctor broke him. You must be a pretty good ride. Maybe I should have my brother try you out?"

Dylan sat up slowly. Defiantly.

"Oh good, it's worn off. Need you nice and pliant for the next round"

Dylan cried.


	4. January 4th

The drive to SARC was quiet. Everyone was silently reflecting on what had happened, blaming themselves for missing the fact that Dylan had started drinking again. Not that it was to blame for what had happened to their friend. Anyone could be burgled. Anyone could be raped.

No one wanted to be the first to make a move when they finally pulled up outside the building. Iain took the initiative though, getting out of the vehicle to take the wheelchair out. David reluctantly got out and looked up at the building. Standing outside made the whole thing seem more real.

"Don't leave me". Sam looked at Dylan as he said those words. He looked so lost.

"I won't". She'd fight anyone that stopped her being there for Dylan.

David and Iain got Dylan out and into the wheelchair, Dylan moaning that he was quite capable walking himself. They smiled because that sounded like the Dylan they all knew and not the broken man they had found at the boat.

Sam was glad that they didn't have to wait to see the Doctor. She insisted on staying with Dylan, pretending that they were still married. Although, Dylan refused to let them examine him without Sam.

*****

4 hours later, Dylan was in a recovery room being grumpy with the staff. He really didn't want to wear a gown, he hated the horrible starchy feeling. He was given an oversized tshirt when he declared he'd go around naked if they didn't get him something else!

Iain drove David home. Dervla staying with David because he had a garden. Sam refused to leave. She held Dylan's hand until he went to sleep. Taking the chart of the edge of the bed, she cried reading the notes. She knew he'd be bed bound for a week and wondered whether she could look after him. Doctors were notoriously regarded as the worst patients. Dylan was the equivalent of 6!

*****

David didn't bother attempting any sleep. He simply went to work, dropping Dervla off at daycare, booking her in for the rest of the week. At least she could have some kind of normality. When he reached the ED, he paused.

"You ok David?". David looked up and saw Glen approaching him.

"I'm fine I guess. Can I have a word?". David gestured to the Peace Garden. They both grabbed a cup of tea and sat down. "Can you do me a favour?"

"Depends what it is?". Glen laughed.

"Contact that Doctor friend of Dylan's for me"

"Zsa Zsa? Why?"

"Promise me you won't tell anyone just yet. Even Robyn"

"I don't want to keep anything from Robyn"

David nodded to say he understood. "Dylan was raped over New Year. Sam and I found him last night on the boat. He'd been burgled"

Glen dropped his tea in shock. After everything Dylan had done to help him, the universe had repaid his kindness with this?! "Is he ok? I mean, well...." Glen jumped up and hit the wall with his fist.

"He's at the local SARC with Sam. He'll need time to recover and he'll need care, but they don't provide anything after 24 hours. I was hoping Zsa Zsa might be able to help"

"Of course I'll contact her. I'll send her a message now"

"Not until I've had a look at that hand first"

*****

Iain went into work even though it was his day off. He knew Sam wasn't in any state to work and probably wouldn't be for a good few days.

He caught up with David and they agreed to meet at the end of the shift with Glen. Zsa Zsa had got Dylan a bed at the private clinic Glen was treated at.

*****

Sam was asleep on the chair when Dylan woke up. He was shivering, despite it being hot in the room. He tried getting out of the bed but didn't have the energy to swing his legs round to the side. Dylan let out a frustrated sigh that woke Sam.

"You need help?". Dylan nodded. She brought over a wheelchair and eventually managed to get Dylan into it. Sam wheeled him to the bathroom. "Shout me if you need me". They held hands, both reluctant to let go.

Once in the shower Dylan cried. 

Sam leant against the bathroom door, sliding to the floor. She didn't bother trying to hold her tears back.


	5. January 1st/2nd

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Graphic description of rape, dubious consent and drug use. You have been warned!

Sitting on his chair, Dylan considered escaping through the skylight himself. He had no idea where Dervla was being kept and couldn't bear the thought of anything happening to her. His thoughts turned to Zack and he frowned thinking about why he'd even let someone he'd just met into his life. He knew his drinking was partly to blame for that. He'd also found it easy to talk to Zack. Who from the outside seemed the opposite of himself, but he knew they'd both had issues with their fathers.

Dylan looked up as Danny entered the room. He went over to the bed and motioned Dylan over to him. Dylan just stared at him. "If you make me come over there, you won't like the consequences". Dylan slowly got up. He was in agony but he didn't want Danny to know and put on a brave face. He shuffled over to the bed as Danny took his trousers off and laid down. "I want you to ride me". Dylan closed his eyes. "Open your eyes. I want you to maintain eye contact with me"

Dylan felt tears prick at his eyes. This would be worse than before. Having to look at the man.

"Well get on with it"

Dylan climbed onto the bed. Danny handed him some lube this time. "I want that pretty mouth of yours on my cock first". Dylan screamed internally. You can do this he told himself. Remembering to maintain eye contact he licked at Danny's cock and then took him into his mouth. "Good boy". Dylan bobbed his head up and down a few times until he was told to stop. "It's your choice whether you want to use the lube or not but you best hurry up and decide"

Dylan picked up the lube and emptied some on his fingers. He knew preparing himself now was a bit late, he was already damaged, but he figured this would help with the pain. He scissored himself open, not as much as he'd have liked and straddled Danny. Danny smirked at him. Dylan frowned. "You look almost sexy when you do that. Of course, you're not really my type"

"Prefer them younger do we?"

"Wow, what spark we have?"

It was Dylan's turn to smirk. 

"The master of witty comments. I'd love to see what your bedside manner is like"

"I've been told it's fabulous"

Danny laughed. "I want to keep you". Dylan raised an eyebrow. "Relax man. I'm not into that kinda stuff. Although, just seeing you wearing a collar would be interesting". Dylan didn't have an answer to that. Danny lined him up ready and Dylan slowly sunk down on his cock. It still stung, but not as much as before. He started moving himself up and down. "Touch yourself". Danny grabbed hold of his hips to keep him in place.

Dylan took himself in hand. He felt humiliation as he came. Danny's gleeful expression haunting him as he came inside him. Dylan climbed off and fell to the side between Danny and the wall. He was exhausted. "I can give you something if you want? Would help with the pain?"

Dylan was inclined to ask what exactly but he just didn't care anymore. He nodded. Danny smiled, leaning over and kissing him. Danny went over to the dresser and picked up a syringe. Dylan felt the pin prick in his neck and the world slowly ebbed away.

*****

Dylan was floating. He had no idea what was going on. He looked up and saw Jonny riding him. When he looked up again his legs were over Danny's shoulders and he was being well and truly fucked. "Back with us?". Danny laughed. "You feel so good Doctor Keogh. I think Zack should have a go at his Doctor" Dylan could see Zack sat in the chair and smiled at him. Zack shook his head. Dylan smiled even more. "Your Doctor wants you Zachary. Tell him how you want to be filled with his cock"

"I'll be a good boy if you fill me with your cock Zack"

"It's not you speaking Dylan. They've got you drugged up"

"He asked for the drugs, didn't you Doctor Keogh?"

"Yes I did". Dylan moaned as he came, Danny grunting out the last of his orgasm. He lay on top of Dylan and kissed him, Dylan kissing back.

"It's not right"

"You're just jealous Zack"

*****

Dylan woke in a sweat. So this is what withdrawal felt like. Not that much different from drinking he mused. He could barely move as he made his way over to the dresser for another syringe. He injected himself in the leg and stumbled to the floor.

*****

"I told you not to leave the syringes in there Jonny"

"Sorry man, I didn't think he'd use one"

"You're both lucky he didn't hit his head when he fell". Zack had come out of the bedroom. "He's asleep"

"Good. Means he'll be well rested then"

"You've had your fun Danny. Let's just leave him. I'll move back in with you"

"Protecting your Doctor are we? I'm not quite done with him yet. And he's really good fun all drugged up. Besides, we're going nowhere until you fuck him Zachary"

*****

Zack sat outside the boat where Dervla was tied up. "I'm so sorry girl. Dylan was so kind to me and I've got you both into my mess". Dervla nuzzled Zack. "I should have just thrown myself into the canal when I had the chance. When I had that moment where I knew I could actually go through with it. I can't even do that now because you and Dylan are involved". Zack looked Dervla in the eyes. "We both need to stay strong for him". Dervla licked his face in agreement.


	6. January 4th/5th

David, Iain and Glen arrived just as Dylan was getting out of the shower. Sam was making some tea when they came into the room. "We stopped off and got the supplies you asked for"

"Thank you. And thank you Glen for contacting Zsa Zsa."

"It's no problem Sam. It's the least I could do after what he did for me"

"We'll go and wait in the waiting area", David whispered.

Sam knocked on the bathroom door. "Dylan, I have some clothes for you". She opened the door when Dylan didn't answer. He was stood with a towel wrapped around him in the middle of a panic attack. "Dylan!". She rushed over to him and took his hands in hers. "Breathe, Dylan breathe". Once his breathing normalised, Sam sat him down on the bench.

"Thank you", Dylan mumbled.

Sam squeezed his hand and reached for the bag. "Now I know you don't like wearing boxers or sweatpants, but I thought they'd be the least irritating to wear".

Dylan couldn't disagree with that logic. Even if they weren't his usual fashion choice.

*****

Dylan emerged from the bathroom wearing sweatpants and a tshirt. Sam had asked David to get enough clothing to last a week. And the toiletries he used to use when they were married. Knowing Dylan, he'd be using the same brands.

Sam looked at Dylan and noticed blood on his cheek. "You're bleeding"

"I'm fine". Dylan wiped his mouth. "I just had to.... get rid of the taste"

Sam nodded. It didn't leave much to the imagination to realise what Dylan had meant.  
They met the others in the waiting area. Dylan refused to use a wheelchair and slowly followed them out. He'd been given a handbook and contact numbers to look over. A taxi pulled up. Zsa Zsa had booked one to take them to the clinic. 

"You and Dylan go on ahead. We'll follow"

"David, you should all just go home for now. Come and visit him tomorrow. Let him get settled. Then we'll talk"

"If you're sure"

"In fact David, stop by mine and get me some clothes. Something practical please". She handed the keys to him.

"Of course"

David watched as Dylan and Sam got into the taxi. "We need to stop by Sam's and get her some clothes. Best go now and we can go straight to the clinic after work tomorrow"

"Sure, though you two might have to go on your own. You can borrow my car though"

*****

Dylan slept the whole journey to the clinic. It was a fitful sleep this time filled with images from his ordeal. Each time he faced an agonising image, Zack's face would be there, comforting him.

Sam heard Dylan's mumblings. She couldn't make out the name he kept repeating but it sounded like Jack. Dylan didn't sound pained when he said it and she suspected that whoever this Jack was, it wasn't the rapist.

*****

Sam was grateful that the clinic had provided her with a put up bed. A small luxury. One which she immediately felt guilty of considering what had happened to Dylan. Dylan, the man she let go because she'd hurt him. The man she had told she no longer loved, because that was the only way to set him free. But Dylan had left. Her safe harbour. Fate had her come back to Holby and she realised she still loved him. 

Sam kissed the sleeping Dylan on the lips.


	7. January 2nd

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Graphic description of rape, dubious consent and drug use. You have been warned!

"So what's it to be Zachary? Are you going to fuck your Doctor?  Or are you going to let me finish him off?"

"I don't want to fuck him"

"I was hoping you'd say that". Jonny grabbed Zack and escorted him into the bedroom. "I'm going to make you sit and watch this". Danny grabbed a syringe and pressed it into Zacks neck.

Dylan was in a cold sweat again. He wanted more drugs to take the edge of.

"Hey, I thought you said he'd be drugged up?"

"I never said that Zachary. I said he was kinda fun on drugs. Having second thoughts?"

Dylan tried pushing Danny away as he moved closer. "No, no more", he cried. Danny sat on the bed pushing Dylan to his knees.

Jonny joined them, standing next to the bed, pulling Dylan backwards onto his cock. "You see Zachary, this would have been so much better for your Doctor if you'd have just simply done that one thing for him and FUCKED him. Oh, me and Jonny had this planned anyway, for our finale and he was supposed to be all drugged up to enjoy us both. But you Zachary had to go and SPOIL it. So now we are here, both about to fuck his brains out, completely aware of what's happening. The pain of having two cocks inside him, splitting him in half. The pain of needing another fix. The shame and humiliation because we are fucking filming this, like we've filmed everything we've done to him. Thanks to you. And your poncy camera you insist on taking everywhere"

Zack could no longer hold back the tears. He sobbed even more when he heard Dylan say: Zack, this is not your fault. I don't blame you at all.

"Aww, isn't that so fucking sweet. Your Doctor doesn't blame you. Not right now. But he will do. When he wishes he'd never fucking met you. You're a freak Zack"

Dylan felt a sudden rage and managed to fight off Jonny, who was totally absorbed in the exchange between Zack and his brother. Danny had a much quicker reflex and hit Dylan across his shoulders, winding him.

"Nice try. I would punish you...in fact", Danny reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out a cock ring. "I was saving this for you Zachary but it seems kinda fitting making your Doctor wear it". Danny held onto Dylan whilst Jonny placed the cock ring on Dylan. Danny looked down. "Put his balls in as well". He was delighted with the look on Dylan's face. "There's that frown again". He kissed Dylan, fucking his mouth with his tongue. He looked down at Dylan's cock again. "Looking good". He slapped Dylan's arse. "Where were we?".

Jonny lined himself up with Dylan again and pushed himself in. Danny followed suit. Dylan cried out in pain as he felt like he was being torn to pieces. 

"Your Doctor feels so good, doesn't he Jonny?"

"Yeah man. I can understand why you want to keep him"

"I still might". He nipped at Dylan's ear. He hated to admit that he'd become obsessed with Dylan. He loved the sarcastic nature of the man. That he was willing to undergo all this for the sake of a dog. And Zack. Dylan was like a jigsaw puzzle to him. There were pieces missing and he wanted the complete picture.

Dylan went to touch himself but Danny held his arms back. "No you don't. I want you begging for release"

Dylan sobbed. The brothers were constantly hitting his prostrate and he really needed to come, but the cock ring and lack of friction meant his cock was painfully engorged.

Danny nipped at Dylan's ear again and whispered "beg me, beg for release"

"No"

Jonny came with a satisfying grunt. Danny stopped for a moment. "Jonny, fetch me that tie and bind his hands for me". He grabbed Dylan firmly on the hips and positioned them both so there would be no mistaking it was Dylan being fucked.

Danny continued his relentless assault on Dylan. Dylan still refused to beg. 

"You know when you do eventually come, it will be the best orgasm you've ever had"

"Is this an attempt to make me beg?", Dylan spat.

Danny nipped at his ear again and whispered "you're so fucking hot when you do that. I'm going to come for you at work and fuck you senseless because you're gonna miss my cock. You won't realise it at first, but you will miss it, filling you up. I'll let you decide where I'll fuck you, but fuck you I will"

"You wouldn't dare. Have you forgotten that I work in a hospital?"

"Fighting talk. I don't fucking care. I'll fuck you where I want, over a desk if I have to, in a lift, in a cupboard. I'm sure you'll think of somewhere". 

Danny felt himself getting closer. He touched Dylan's cock, giving him momentary relief. Dylan grunting when Danny touched his balls. He moaned as Danny took his hand away. "Still not going to beg?"

"Please Danny. I really need to come"

"That's my sweet sexy Doctor" he whispered into Dylan's ear. "Come for me". Danny bit Dylan on the neck as he stroked Dylan's cock in time with his own thrusts both coming together in multiple orgasms.

They collapsed together in a sweaty heap on the bed. "What did I tell you? Best fucking orgasm ever". He leant over and kissed Dylan. Dylan was too shocked to put up any resistance.


	8. January 5th

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Self harm

Dylan woke up in a cold sweat again. He needed something to take away the pain. Alcohol had always been his first and only choice. He'd never taken drugs, not even experimenting in med school, but he needed a fix from somewhere. He knew he was still experiencing withdrawal from the drugs he'd been given. And he knew this feeling would eventually pass. Finding nothing in his room to take the edge of, Dylan left.

Sam woke at the sound of the door closing. It took her a few minutes to realise that it was Dylan that had left. She ran out to see if she could find him. The corridor was empty. Luckily, there was only one way to go, so Sam followed the corridor to a communal area. She couldn't see Dylan at first. But then she spotted him. Sat on a bench. As she got closer she watched him take a scalpel to his wrist. By the time she got to him he'd managed to cut himself. Kneeling down in front of him, she pushed the scalpel away. 

"I'm sorry Sam"

"You have nothing to be sorry for". Sam checked his wrist and was glad that it was only superficial. She'd got to him in time before he could inflict anymore damage onto himself. She hugged him and Dylan rested his head against hers. It hadn't gone unnoticed that he hadn't hugged back this time. Like he always had done. She was grateful that he hadn't pushed her away, like he'd understandably had done with anyone that tried touching him since they found him.

"Let's get you back to your room"

*****

"I'm guessing Zsa Zsa knows what happened? The fact that I'm here". Dylan watched as Sam cleaned his wrist up. It stung him a bit. Dylan was embarrassed to realise that it felt good. 

"I hope you don't mind. We knew you'd need round the clock care for a few days". Sam picked up a plaster and stuck it on his wrist.

"To make sure I don't top myself? I wasn't trying to before". Dylan moved his arm away, wanting to rub the plaster to see if the friction would make him feel better.

"I know. Are you angry we called Zsa Zsa?"

"No of course not. She knows more about my past than even you do due to a drunken night out with her in med school"

Sam should have been upset upon hearing that. She'd always suspected there were things, more so about her ex husbands childhood, then he had told her. Especially regarding his dad, who he had always refused to talk about. "I'm glad you had someone there for you"

"Not at the time of my life when I could have really done with someone unfortunately. But such is the way of the universe".

*****

David and Glen arrived in the evening with clothes for Sam. After taking a much needed shower, Sam finally had chance to catch up with David. He'd hinted that there had been some issue with Dylan when they had found him on the boat two days ago.

"Did you know we went to France on a humanitarian mission?"

"I hadn't realised Dylan had gone. Wow, he used to always say he hated the French"

"He did, but someone put his name down to go"

"Bet he loved that! So what happened in France?"

"Short version. He became attached to a 12 year old boy. Sanosi. And smuggled him home"

"Wow". Dylan had always been impulsive, doing what he thought was the right thing to do, even if it wasn't. "Was he not worried he'd be caught?"

"We both were. Sanosi stayed with Dylan on the boat whilst we were trying to get in touch with the boys uncle. He turned up in the ED after smuggling drugs. We had no choice but to call the police. Dylan didn't hand Sanosi over at that point. It was only when Connie was onto him that he took Sanosi to the police himself"

"That must have been when he started drinking. I thought it was him coping with me coming back when we found him".

"If only I'd known he was a recovering alcoholic". David mentally chastised himself for thinking that. That wasn't fair. David had stopped Dylan from running away. He'd stopped Dylan from handing himself in. But he'd also pushed his friend away in the process. He left Dylan alone on the boat after Sanosi had gone. He was to blame.

"David, don't blame yourself. It was his chance to be a dad. He would have thought that he'd failed Sanosi by having to let him go. Dylan's dad walked out on him and his mum when he was 15. His mum didn't take it well and committed suicide. Dylan's never told me anything about his dad. I've never met him"

"Oh I have. He's not a nice man. He walked out on his partner and baby daughter. Dylan looks after her. We need to tell Hazel what's happened"

"Dylan's a big brother? That I want to see!"

"How come you didn't have kids? Sorry, you don't have to answer that"

"It's fine David. We decided to wait until I'd completed my service. We did loose a baby. I hadn't even realised that I was pregnant. I was on my first deployment. I had to tell Dylan over the phone. When I finished that deployment, he was drinking again"

David looked up as Dylan came into view with Glen. "Have you two finished talking about me?"

"You need to tell me all about that sister of yours"

"And we need to tell Hazel what's happened"

"What day is it? She was visiting family over ..... the holiday". Dylan couldn't bring himself to say New Year. What an awful start to the year he'd had so far.

"Friday", Glen said in answer. Sam hadn't bothered keeping a track of what day it was.

"She'll be back tomorrow. I was supposed to be watching Rihanna for her overnight"

"We'll sort something out Dylan. Don't worry"

Dylan was worried. He couldn't go back to the boat after what had happened. He felt like he couldn't go back to work and face everyone. He felt useless. 

But this time he wasn't alone. He had David, Glen, Iain, Zsa Zsa and even his beloved Sam on side. Sam. The only woman he'd ever loved.


	9. January 2nd/3rd

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Graphic description of rape, dubious consent and drug use. You have been warned!

Dylan never saw Zack again after that. Zack had refused to look at him as he was removed from the room. Danny had come back some time later, syringes in his hand. "Left or right?"

"Can't I just have both and you get this over with? I'm getting rather bored now"

Danny smiled. "Maybe another time". 

Dylan felt a prick to his neck and he almost immediately came alive.

"I'm not sure how I prefer to fuck you, from behind I can nip at your ear and neck better. If I have you ride me, I can see your face, look you in the eye and own you". Danny smirked when he noticed Dylan's cock twitch in interest. "Such the slut".

"Bend me over the chair, fuck me against the wall, on the dresser, I don't care as long as I'm filled with your cock"

Danny didn't think he could get any harder but hearing Dylan saying those words, wanting him after everything he'd done to him. It was the drugs talking of course. Dylan would probably kill him if he had the chance and he'd know a very painful way to do it being a Doctor.

"Come here" Dylan moved towards him expectantly. Danny kissed him gently, wanting to saviour this moment. Dylan moaned into his mouth. The Doctor was an exceptional kisser. He envied anyone that had been kissed by those lips. Danny gasped as those lips were now on his cock. "Fucking hell Dylan" he cried, as Dylan took him into his mouth. 

Dylan hummed contentedly as Danny fucked his mouth. Dylan realised that Danny was wearing the cock ring. Danny pulled Dylan back up and whispered "That's so I can fuck you for longer".  Dylan grinned. "Over to the wall".  Dylan watched as Danny emptied some lube over his cock. "I know you're already so loose for me but what the hell".

Danny lifted Dylan up onto his cock, Dylan wrapping his legs around Danny's waist instinctively. "You feel so good". They kissed again, harder than before, both nipping at each other's lips. Danny pushing himself in and out of Dylan. He moved them over to the dresser, sitting Dylan down on it, fucking him harder, pumping Dylan's cock. Dylan came. Danny wasn't even close yet. He pulled out and Dylan whimpered at the loss. Danny picked him up and bent him over his chair. "All three of your wishes granted Doctor Keogh", he whispered. He pushed his way back into Dylan hitting his prostrate at this angle. Dylan cried out with each thrust, Danny moaning in his ear, nipping as he started to come. He pulled out, spun Dylan around in the chair to face him and came in Dylan's sweet mouth, those lips not letting any of his seed escape. 

Danny kissed those lips once more as he helped Dylan into his trousers. Not once had they bothered taking Dylan's shirt off. Danny almost regretted he hadn't but that could wait for another time. They had to go now because they had a plane to catch. Danny injected drugs into Dylan one last time.

On the way out of the boat, Danny was sure to leave the dog some food and water. He wasn't that callous.

*****

Dylan slipped in and out of consciousness. 

He saw Danny's face taunting him. Zack crying. Brian calling him a freak. His cousins Robert and Philip who had raped him when he was 14. He'd been that embarrassed at the time, because he had no idea what he was supposed to be doing, that he hadn't thought about it being rape until now.

He could hear Dervla pining for him. He tried shouting but his throat was so dry. With his last remaining strength, he got up and grabbed a half empty bottle of Whiskey. Sitting back down, he took a long swig from the bottle. It was far from refreshing but he didn't care. The universe could go to hell right now as far as he was concerned.


	10. January 5th/6th

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: self harm, past abuse and rape, mention of drug abuse and suicide

"De-De you need to eat"

Dylan sighed. He'd not eaten anything since breakfast and could only stomach a slice of toast.

"It's not the food. I could understand if it was your toy town hospital..."

"I'm sure the food here is perfectly edible. I just feel like I'll be sick if I eat"

"You'll waste to nothing if you don't"

"Yeah, well that'll be one way of forgetting"

"Have you spoken to the counsellor?"

"No"

"Have you been sleeping ok?"

"What's this? 20 questions?"

"It's a concerned friend talking"

"You know talking wasn't my thing"

"I know"

"I can't talk about it right now. I see their faces when I sleep. Haunting me, mocking me. That's all I will say"

Sam entered the room with a Doctor. "Dylan, Doctor Harris is here to check how you're healing up". Dylan frowned. "I can stay if you want"

"I'll be fine". Dylan was screaming inside.

"Ok, if you don't mind changing into a gown, I'll be back shortly"

Dylan picked up the gown and raised an eyebrow in surprise. "Much better quality than those NHS issue ones you have over there"

"That's a relief. He threatened to go naked the last time he had to wear one"

Zsa Zsa laughed. "Well, hand me over to Sam. Us girls finally need to have a chat". Dylan rolled his eyes and handed the laptop to Sam. "You better be on your best behaviour for Doctor Harris or I'll be over there on the next flight"

Dylan almost wanted to misbehave just so he could speak to Zsa Zsa in person.

*****

Dylan got into the gown and sat on the bed waiting. Doctor Harris came in and asked some general questions. How was he feeling, was he in any pain.

He indicated for Dylan to lie down and get comfortable. Dylan's breathing became laboured as soon as he felt hands on him. "I do apologise Doctor Keogh if this hurts at all"

The use of his title was too much for Dylan. In his hands he held a nail file he'd stolen out of Sam's bag. He stabbed himself in the thigh as Doctor Harris began his check. Pain followed by bliss as Dylan twisted the nail file around. He hadn't realised Doctor Harris had finished the exam until he was lightly tapped on the shoulder.

"Still with us Doctor Keogh?" Dylan recoiled, jumping from the bed and landing on the floor. Right on top of the nail file, pushing it further into his thigh.

***** 

"I'm glad I finally got to speak to you Sam. It's a shame Dylan and I lost touch" 

"He can certainly go off the radar when he really wants to"

One of the nurses came rushing over. "Sam! It's Dylan". Sam got up and rushed to Dylan's room as he was being wheeled out, towards theatre. 

"What happened?"

"He jumped off the bed and fell onto a nail file"

"Mrs Keogh. I'm so sorry. He seemed nervous when I addressed him by his title. I should have realised the first time. The second time was when he fled from the bed"

"You weren't to know that would trigger a memory"

"Does he have any history of self harm?" 

"Not in the time since I've known him. Zsa Zsa may know"

"I'll be sure to ask her"

*****

Sam waited outside the theatre. Dylan was lucky that he'd not done himself any major damage. Doctor Harris was concerned that Dylan had harmed himself before he fell.

"I caught him with a scalpel this morning"

"Mrs Keogh, we need to be honest with each other here. I'm going to recommend he stay here for another week at least. Miss Harper-Jenkinson has authorised me to keep your husband here for as long as I see fit"

She knew Dylan wouldn't like that but had a feeling he'd do what he was told if it had Zsa Zsa's name on it. Sam also felt that she could get used to being Mrs Keogh again. But she'd made a mess of that and was convinced that Dylan wouldn't take her back. But she lived in hope.

*****

Dylan woke up in a recovery room mind numb with painkillers. The nurse turned round and smiled at him. He could see Danny. He pushed the nurse away "get off me, I said no"

"Dylan, Dylan it's fine. No ones going to hurt you". Sam was leant over him stroking his hair.

"Sam? Oh god, he was here" Sam climbed onto the bed next to him. He wrapped his arms around her. Having Sam there felt so right. "He threatened to drown Dervla in the marina if I didn't let him.....fuck me"

"Dylan, what happened wasn't your fault"

"I know that. I was too drunk to fight him off but I don't think I could have stopped him anyway. He was bigger than me, stronger than me. You know what the scariest thing was? That I enjoyed it when they had me drugged up. I wanted it"

"Don't say that. Of course you didn't want it. No one wants to be raped"

"I wanted him inside me"

"That was just the drugs making you want him. Making you do things you wouldn't normally do"

"I've done it before". Sam looked up at him. "When I was 14. My cousins and I were just messing around in their room. Both were older than me. They started kissing and I joined in. Philip stuck his cock in my mouth and made me, you know. He told me what to do. He came in my mouth and made me swallow it. He then pulled off my shorts and touched me. It felt good. He then straddled me and well you can imagine"

"Oh Dylan"

"It wasn't over. Robert got me on all fours and licked me open. It stung but it wasn't entirely unpleasant. He then...." Dylan cried but between sobs he carried on "when they were done they left me. I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I remembered was Brian shouting at me when he saw the state I was in. He thought I'd been masturbating in my cousins bed, despite there being some blood. I had no idea what rape was. I just thought we had sex and I didn't like it. I never saw my cousins again after that. Robert went to university and Philip went to college. I lost touch with Brian's side of the family when he walked out on my mother and I one day. She knew what my cousins had done to me. It was her that stopped me ever from seeing them again"

Sam knew the rest. His mother had committed suicide the day after Brian left. Dylan had felt helpless that he couldn't help her. The main reason he became a Doctor and not a Vet. Dylan went into care. He was lucky that the family he was put with were nice and helped him get into medical school. Even if it had meant helping his foster dad on a construction site one summer.

Sam wiped Dylan's tears away with her fingers. Their eyes met. Dylan could see the love for him in Sam's eyes. That same spark that was there when they first met. Their lips met, brushing together gently at first, and then their kissed deepened, both left panting, wanting more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone is reading this can you please leave a comment or kudos? I have never asked anyone to before, but I honestly was in two minds whether to post this in the first place!


	11. January 10th

Zoe Hanna never thought she'd be back here again. But here she was, stood outside Holby City's Emergency Department. The building held so many memories for her. However, she was back for 3 reasons only. To take over from Connie in her absence. To see Max again. And for Dylan.

She had been understandably upset when Hanssen had contacted her about the lastest events at Holby City. His own son bent on revenge, killing Raf, injuring Jac and Ollie, finally killing himself. Connies cancer and Dylan's rape. Zoe could hardly refuse Hanssens offer in light of those events.

Zoe walked through the doors into a quiet waiting area. It was still quite early and she had wanted to come straight here from the airport. Her bags had been taken to her hotel. She headed for Connies office and sat down at the desk. Logging into the computer she checked her emails. There was one from Zsa Zsa, who Hanssen had told her was an old mentor of Dylan's. She opened it and it was a brief hello, with Dylan's patient files from the clinic attached.

Her hand clasped over her mouth as she read the extent of his injuries. The only positive report in it was that the HIV test was clear. It wasn't the worst rape file she had read however and she took comfort in the fact that Dylan's physical injuries would heal in time. Mentally though she wasn't so sure. He'd already self harmed and had refused to talk to a professional. Sam had said that he had opened up to her a little. She also had told her that he kept shouting for "Jack" whenever he had a nightmare. Zoe was sure that Sam was keeping something else back. She was going to visit them at the clinic and would ask her then. 

Zoe felt the jet leg catching up on her and laid down on the sofa for a nap.

*****

Sam woke up lying next to Dylan for the 4th morning in a row. She'd noticed how he had slept better the night they had fallen asleep together in the recovery room. And each night since, she had simply snuggled herself against him. They hadn't kissed again, but they held hands and were more tactile with each other, more so than when they were married.

She wanted to be upset about that but she really couldn't be. She had known what Dylan was like when they first met. He didn't like being touched and what he'd told her about his family the other night, she could understand why now. The people you loved and were loved by betraying you would give you a cynical view of the world.

Sam looked down at Dylan's face. She used to love watching him sleep. His face was really expressive and his mouth would twitch as he slept. Which is what it was doing right now. 

*****

Elle knocked on the office door, bringing in two coffees with her. Zoe slowly sat up and looked at the clock. She'd been asleep for two hours. 

"Thought you'd might like one of these". Elle handed Zoe a coffee.

"Thanks Elle". Zoe took the coffee from her and took a sip.

"Flight ok?"

"Yes, it wasn't too bad. Um, I'll jump straight in and ask. How many of the team know about Dylan?"

"At the moment it's need to know. Not even Charlie knows"

"Ok, so I'll get the team together and tell them. I'll tell Charlie on his own. Dylan will need all the support he can get when he comes back"

"How is he?"

"I've not seen him yet, but Sam says he refuses to talk about it. And that will be one condition of him coming back that he gets counselling."

Zoe decided not to tell Elle about the self harm just yet.

*****

Elle had gathered everyone in the staff room. Zoe was greeted with hugs. "Now I wish I was here under better circumstances. As you may have worked out, I'll be Connies replacement whilst she is receiving treatment"

The door opened and Robyn walked in followed by Lofty. "Sorry we're late. I thought Lofty should be part of this"

Zoe nodded in understanding. Lofty had been good friends with Dylan. "Right well it's not Connie we're here to talk about. It's Doctor Keogh". Charlie put his hand on her shoulder in support. "I'll just cut to the chase. Dylan was raped over New Year". There were shocked gasps from those in the room that didn't already know. "We don't know who by but we need to put some kind of protection system in to place for him coming back to work"

"Is he ok?"

"Do you really think that the rapist would come here?"

"Physically yes, he's healing up fine. What I need you guys to do is watch out for signs that he's not coping. I have no idea if they would try again. But it's a system we trailed in the states. We check in on each other periodically"

"Like a buddy system?"

"Yes Lofty. We'll each take turns to buddy up with Dylan. He won't be back in a full time role to start with. And we now have Ethan as a consultant so we should manage ok"

"Can we visit him?"

"He's not in Holby at the moment. I'm visiting tomorrow. I don't officially start back here until Monday. I'll let you all know more once I've spoken to him"

Everyone left the staff room except Zoe, Charlie, David, Lofty and Robyn.

"Anything I can do to help? You know where to find me"

"Thanks Lofty. I'm sure Dylan would appreciate a visit"

"We can go at the weekend? Glen was going to go on his own but I think Dylan might like to see Charlotte"

"Yes, just let me know. I best get back upstairs"

Once Lofty and Robyn had left, Zoe told David that she wanted him to work with Dylan the most. "Charlie tells me he gets on really well with you"

"I'm sure he gets on famously with Louise and Robyn"

"You've been supporting him since you and Sam found him. You went to France with him, that must have been an experience?"

"One I'll never forget"

*****

Max was waiting for Zoe when she finally stepped outside. "Why didn't you tell me you were back?"

"Max"

"It's ok, I know you're here for Dylan"

"I wanted to see you too. I've missed you Max"

"I've missed you too". They hugged each other. "Come to my hotel tomorrow night and we can have dinner. Don't worry, it's informal, nothing fancy"

"Or we could get room service?"

"Oi you. Don't be presumptuous, I've only just got here!". Zoe got into a taxi. "Tomorrow then?"

"Sure". Max smiled as the taxi pulled away. He'd do anything for Zoe.


	12. January 11th

Dylan and Sam were in the middle of a game of chess when Zoe arrived. Zoe had no words when she witnessed before her Dylan going from his normal self, to pained self and to lost self. They stood hugging each other.

"Really good to see you Zoe"

"And you Sam". Dylan let go of Zoe and Sam hugged her. "Whose winning?"

"Not Dylan" 

Dylan smiled. "I'm just letting her win"

"Sure you are. Zoe, would you like some lunch? I was just about to go help"

"Sam decided to help out at lunch times. I think she's after cooking lessons personally. She was never a good cook"

"All true. I couldn't cook a meal but I was a pretty good baker"

"Who burns fairy cakes? Oh, Sam?"

Zoe laughed. They were literally like an old married couple. It was good to see them so happy together.

"I'll be back soon". Zoe didn't miss the brush of hands between them as Sam walked by Dylan.

Dylan looked downwards. He knew if he met Zoe's eyes she'd see things and start asking questions. "Fancy a game?"

"You know I can't play chess Dylan. Max was always the master"

"He is indeed"

"You two still play?"

"Sometimes, when he used to drop by the boat if I was watching Rihanna". Dylan's breathing became heavier.

"You ok Dylan?". Zoe got him to sit down. She rubbed his back soothingly.

"The boat...I've not been back since...."

Zoe wondered if anyone had been back to it. "It's ok Dylan. You don't ever have to go back there"

"I miss Dervla"

Zoe made a mental note to ask David to bring Dervla for a visit. "Do you miss work?"

"Yes. Being here is a bit boring"

"You have Sam". Zoe watched Dylan's face light up at the mention of Sam. "Are you two?"

"I'd like to think we are back together but I don't want her back if she's just feeling sorry for what happened to me"

"We all are Dylan"

"Sorry doesn't make the pain go away"

"I know it doesn't"

Dylan sighed. "So you're back here to stay?"

"I'm only here till Connie comes back and I want you working with me"

"Maybe I don't want to come back. Zsa Zsa has asked me to visit her to see if I'd like to work with her"

"You'd really leave Dervla?"

Dylan closed his eyes and cried. Zoe wrapped her arms around him. "I would have died for Dervla. I had an opportunity to escape but I had no idea where they were keeping her. I couldn't risk them hurting her"

"Oh Dylan". One way to get to his heart was his love for Dervla. "She's ok though. They didn't hurt her. David said she looked well fed, so one of them must have looked after her"

"Zack". Dylan smiled at the thought of Zack looking out for Dervla. 

"Zack?"

"A friend"

"Did he ...?"

Dylan looked pained, his face twisted, not knowing how to answer that. "He did not but we still had sex, under duress obviously. I was afraid they'd kill him if he didn't. I couldn't let that happen, so I let him"

Zoe was shocked. So much so that she missed that Dylan had got up and was talking to her again as if he'd not just told her a dirty little secret. No, that wasn't fair on him.

"It's time for lunch Zoe. Might be wise to avoid eating anything Sam has made though"

*****

Lunch was pleasant enough. Dylan had avoided looking at Zoe, which Sam had noticed. When he'd gone for his daily check with Doctor Harris, she asked what happened during their chat.

"He told me about Zack, who I'm guessing must be Jack" Sam nodded. "Well he said that he didn't rape him but they had sex. Under duress"

"They threatened to drown Dervla. We all know he'd do anything for her"

"They threatened Zack as well. I just can't understand why Dylan felt the need to protect him too. Was Zack a friend?"

"I wouldn't know if he has any friends outside work. If I ever met anyone from his childhood, he'd always introduce them as an acquaintance"

"I suppose being in the medical profession you'd only make friends over the years with colleagues"

"He didn't have a happy childhood as such. But I know he idolised his mum"

"He didn't have a good relationship with Brian did he?"

"The only time he mentioned him was when we were writing out our wedding invitation list and I asked if he was inviting him. That was when he told me that Brian had walked out on him and his mum. And she committed suicide the next day"

Zoe was shocked. "I didn't know about his mum"

"He also told me something else. After he'd hurt himself. He was raped by his older cousins when he was 14"

 _Fourteen, you started young?_  
_Well it would have been nice to know what I was doing_

"Zoe?"

"When we were trapped in Resus in the fire that time, we asked each other questions where we had to tell the truth. I couldn't believe it when he said he was 14 the first time he had sex"

"He said he hadn't realised it was rape. He thought it was just sex. Brian wasn't happy with him. His mum took care of him, she was a nurse. She knew what really happened to Dylan, even if Brian refused to acknowledge it"

*****

Dylan was napping when Zoe and Sam arrived at his room. "He looks so different asleep" Sam smiled at Zoe's comment. "That sounded silly"

"I know what you mean. The softer side of him that he does his best to not let anyone see"

"You see it better than anyone"

"I love him Zoe. He's been through so much though. I don't want him thinking I only want to get back with him out of guilt"

Zoe smiled. "Once he's out of here, you should both have a chat about it. Talking of which, where's he going to stay? He said he didn't want to go back to the boat"

"David has offered. He has the room and he's been looking after Dervla"

"I hear they are good friends?"

"I guess neither of them have told you about France?"

*****

Dylan woke up just as Zoe and Sam started talking about France. He didn't open his eyes, he just listened. He was relieved that David had told Sam about Sanosi. Sam would never judge him for bringing the boy back and not wanting to let him go. And from the conversation they were having, Zoe understood his motives.

He was saddened to hear that David had blamed himself for him returning to drink. And Sam also blamed herself for coming back to Holby.

"No ones to blame for what happened to me. I made the choice to drink again"

"Dylan, you're awake?"

"Brilliant observation there Sherlock". They both smiled at each other.

"I don't want to interrupt, but we need to discuss Dylan's return to work"

Dylan rolled his eyes. "Yes I'll see Ben Harding"

"Good, because I won't let you back if you don't. And you'll only be back for 6 hour shifts to start with"

"Will I have a babysitter too?"

"Yes, I'll try to have you work with David as much as I can. Everyone says you work well together"

"He's the only one that can keep up with my charismatic nature"

Zoe laughed. It was nice to see Dylan more like himself. "I'll email you. I best be off. I'm meeting Max later"

"Hoping for a reconciliation?"

Zoe went to hug Dylan and whispered, "I'm not the only one"


	13. January 13th Pt1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next two chapters are short and sweet. I could have put it into one big one but decided not to.

Dylan decided he wanted to go for a walk this morning. He hadn't been outside the clinic since he arrived. It was...cold. No one had thought to bring him a coat but he didn't really mind. This time next week he'll have left the clinic and be taking baby steps in his return to work. And staying with David, who he'd have to thank the next time he saw him. 

He was looking forward to seeing Dervla again. And then he heard the unmistakable sound of Dervla barking. He turned towards the sound as she came running around the corner of the building. "Dervla!" He cried in happiness as she licked his face. He looked up to see Robyn and Glen with Charlotte. And Lofty.

"Looks like Dervla found Dylan" Robyn giggled to Charlotte, who gurgled back in delight.

"Thank goodness for that. I wasn't expecting her to do a runner when I opened the car door"

"She'll have just followed De-De's smell!". Robyn smacked Glen on the arm. "Dogs have a good sense of smell do they not?"

Dylan laughed "When it comes to food with this one"

"I think she just missed you Dylan" Dylan looked at Lofty. "I've missed you. Sorry for not getting in touch since I've been back in Holby"

Dylan hugged Lofty, Lofty hugged him back. "I'm sorry for not going to the pub"

"Want to take Dervla for a walk?". Dylan nodded. "We won't be long guys"

*****

Dylan and Lofty walked along in companionable silence, letting Dervla lead them. She eventually stopped at a random picnic table. Dylan laughed because it was so absurd and quite frankly, in the middle of nowhere. Lofty laughed too. "Well, we might as well make use of it. Would be rude not to"

They sat down, backs leaning against the table. "So how are you really?"

"Scared to leave here". Dylan closed his eyes.

"That's understandable"

"Almost like before with my OCD. The thought of returning to work. Facing people. I also have to see Ben Harding again"

"He's pretty good though"

"I thought you were off training to be a counsellor? I could have had you instead"

Lofty laughed. "I had to prove to myself that I could still be a nurse. Look, if you ever need to talk, I'm here"

Lofty noticed Dylan scratching his hand. Dylan realised he was looking and immediately stopped. "I've started doing that when I'm nervous"

"It's ok Dylan, you don't have to tell me anything. Just sitting here with you is good enough"

"Lofty, I want to go back to the boat. Not to stay there, I don't think I could ever live there again. But I need to go back"

"Are you sure? I don't think anyone's been back since.."

"I was raped. You can say it, I won't self combust"

"I know you won't". Lofty squeezed Dylan's hand. "If you're sure you're ready to, I can come with you?"

"I'd like that"

"Good". Lofty looked at Dylan. It was clear he wanted to say something else. "You can tell me anything Dylan, I won't judge you"

"You might". Dylan sighed. "If someone grabbed you and then threatened to hurt someone you loved, if you didn't do as they said, would you have tried fighting them off?"

"Well you know I'm against violence but if someone I cared about was threatened, I would have gone to the moon and back for them"

"To hell and back more like"

"They were going to hurt Dervla weren't they?"

"And my friend Zack if I didn't do what they wanted"

"Did they hurt Zack?"

"They didn't. I did. We were coerced into having sex and they also wanted him to ..... He wouldn't because they had me drugged up at one point" Dylan closed his eyes trying to remember, or forget, he wasn't entirely sure.

"Dylan, none of what happened was your fault"

"Then why do I blame myself? I wish I hadn't gone into the pub now. I wouldn't have got into a fight. Zack would have gone to the club with his friends and not felt sorry for me. I should have just drowned my sorrows alone on the boat like I usually do"

"Zack sounds like a good friend to have. I'm sure he doesn't blame you Dylan"

"Maybe, but I'll never forget how he sat there crying because of what they were doing to me". Dylan cried. Lofty wrapped his arms around him. 

Lofty had wondered why Dylan had ended up in a pub, all on his own on New Years Eve. He wanted to ask but knew that whatever the reason was, Dylan would only end up blaming himself even more. Lofty assumed something must have happened in his life for him to have gone in. He needed to ask Zoe.


	14. January 13th Pt2

By the time Dylan, Dervla and Lofty returned from their walk it was lunchtime. Dervla was only allowed to stay in the communal area, but she was tired after her walk, so slept on a blanket David had thoughtfully provided for her.

Dylan was surprised to see more visitors. Hazel was now here with Rihanna. "Dylan.." Hazel said reaching up and kissing him on the cheek.

"Dy'an!" Rihanna was pleased to see her big brother. Dylan was equally pleased as he picked her up. Sam watched him with her. It was quite frankly adorable. She silently left the room in tears.

Robyn noticed Sam had left all of a sudden and followed her to Dylan's room. "Sam. You ok?"

"I'm being silly"

"No you're not. It's lovely seeing him with Rihanna. Even Charlotte he dotes on"

"I wish we hadn't waited to have kids. I wish we hadn't lost one either"

"Sam, I had no idea. I'm so sorry". Robyn hugged Sam.

"It's ok Robyn. I'd only just found out I was pregnant. That's when Dylan started drinking again. I had the affair with Iain and that was that. I knew he still loved me when we divorced. I still love him Robyn. I never stopped deep down. I just thought it was best for us both to move on"

"Which you did with Tom?"

"Yes and I don't regret marrying him. We just .... drifted apart"

"So, you going to tell Dylan you still love him?"

"That's what Zoe said. When the time is right"

*****

Lofty and Glen took the kids outside to play with Dervla. Hazel and Dylan finally had chance to speak. "David has sorted out crèche sessions for Rihanna and he did say that she's also welcome to stay at his if you're feeling up to it"

"Hopefully I won't keep her awake with my nightmares"

Hazel took his hand. "Sorry Dylan, I hadn't thought"

"It's fine, I hadn't thought about that either. They've not been too bad", and he knew it was because Sam slept in the bed right next to him.

"Brian got in touch over Christmas. He wants to see Rihanna"

"How nice of him"

"Dylan, despite what he's done, he is her dad. And your dad"

"Turning a blind eye that your nephews had raped your 14 year old son, some father he was". Dylan regretted saying that when he saw the look of shock on Hazels face.

"Dylan..." she hugged him ..."I didn't know"

"No one did except my cousins, my aunt and uncle, my mother and Brian. I didn't realise what they'd done either. It's up to you if you let Rihanna see him, but I don't want him in MY life. I've done perfectly well so far, I don't want him ruining it again"

"If you're sure?"

"I did try but he abandoned you and Rihanna at the same time. I found him in bed with another woman. Some people just don't change"

*****

Dylan had some alone time with Dervla. They sat outside on some grass, Dylan stroking her just how she liked to be stroked. "I'm glad they never hurt you. Zack must have looked after you". Dervla whined at the mention of Zack. "Did he tell you his secrets girl?". Dervla nuzzled his face. "I tell you mine don't I? I fear we may have had similar childhoods. The look on his face when I mentioned his father reminded me of myself. I knew he was scared of him, that's why I invited him back to the boat. So he had somewhere safe to stay for the night. If he'd gone to the club, he could be dead by now. He still could be dead, girl. But I don't think so". 

Dylan sighed. "I really need to talk to him again. He's the only person who could understand what happened. That's why I need to go back to the boat"

*****

"Well I guess we'll see you back in Holby soon". Said Glen, ever cheerful. Dylan nodded at everyone gathered to say goodbye.

"Thank you for visiting. See ya soon Rihanna". Dylan bent down and kissed her. Hazel kissed him on the cheek again. 

Robyn hugged Dylan, followed by Lofty. Dylan revelled in the fact that he had so many people around him that support and love him. 

Dylan gave Dervla an extra special hug. "Stay safe girl".

Dylan and Sam watched everyone leave, Sam entwining her fingers with Dylan's.


	15. January 19th

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. I was distracted with my new thing "Dylan Keogh Ficlets" that I need to put on here!

Today was the day Dylan was finally leaving the clinic and going back home to Holby. He was happy enough to be getting away from here. To start living his life again.

"Ready to go?"

"Sam, before I forget. Thank you for being here for me. It means a lot" 

Sam kissed his cheek. "You would have done the same". It was true, Dylan would have given anything for her. Done anything for her. He still would and had done so the day she arrived back into his life a few months ago. Before he had confided in his old friend. Or his old nemesis? He wasn't so sure now. That warmth, that strength it gave him, however short term. The euphoric feeling that washed over him, numbing the pain, making him forget. If only for a little while.

*****

Arriving at David's house, Dylan, with Sam's help, took his things up to Ollies bedroom. Dylan smiled at all the mod cons in the room. He'd never had his own TV as a child, not even as a teen. How times had changed.

"We took the liberty of buying you some new clothes. David said he'd hung them up in the wardrobe".

Dylan nodded. Nobody had been back to the boat. He'd arranged with Lofty to meet here in the morning but the more he thought about going back, Dylan realised he would have to face the reality of what happened. He wasn't so sure that he had the strength to do that.

"You ok?". Sam's voice. "Dylan?". She walked over to him, placing a hand on his. He looked up at her and nodded. "Don't forget we're making dinner tonight". 

Dylan smiled. "Fortunately for David, it's only pasta"

"Oi you!". Sam looked at him. Those eyes. They had lost the sparkle that was once there, when they had first met when she was just an F1. The sparkle that made her fall in love with him, spend the rest of her life with him. She still did. She loved him more than anything. These weeks at the clinic together, being referred to as Dylan's wife, Sam wanted that life with him again.

*****

David arrived home with Dervla in tow. She was pleased to see Dylan. Sam and David left the pair to catch up. Sam checking on the pasta bake in the oven.

"David, I forgot to say when you volunteered to have Dylan stay. He has nightmares. Sometimes they are not too bad. I found he didn't have them so often when I was lying next to him"

David nodded in understanding. "It's fine Sam. I can leave my sleeping bag in the room just in case"

"You're a good friend David"

"He's helped me more than once. Kept me right and never judged me. We did have a difference of opinion over Sanosi. But he did what was best for him in the end"

"He knows he did. Deep down. He loved that boy, even if he won't admit it to anyone. Dinner will be ready in 5 minutes if you need to get ready?"

"I'll be back in a jiffy"

*****

Dinner was pleasant enough and edible! David talked about his day. It had been a quiet shift by all accounts.

Sam reluctantly said her goodbyes to Dylan. This was the first time, since she and David had found him on the boat, that they wouldn't be together. A few years ago, spending time with her ex like this would have been unimaginable. They had argued a lot. And now those arguments seemed so ridiculous.

*****

Dylan smiled at the pyjamas that had been bought for him. Flannelette ones. With super hero characters on them. Definitely not what he would have chosen, preferring something plainer.

David knocked on the door. "I'm just across the hall if you need me"

"Thank you David" He watched as David left him. Feeling slightly nervous at making a fool of himself. But it was David. A good friend. Dylan hugged himself as he lay in the bed. He'd done this as a child when he'd been anxious about something. He drifted off to his nightmare...

_Doctor Keogh, will you be a good boy for me?_

_No, get off me!_

_I will never let you go. You're mine. I'm coming for you!_

_No, please no..._

David woke up with a start. He could hear Dylan talking, pleading to his nightmare. He got out of bed and went into Ollies room. Dylan's face was scrunched up as if he was in pain. He was sobbing between cries of "please no" and "I don't want this".

David picked up the sleeping bag, got his bottom half inside and laid down behind Dylan, wrapping one arm around his friend. Leaning on his elbow, he stroked Dylan's hair soothingly, like he'd once done with Ollie.

Dylan almost immediately calmed down. He was still crying, still in his nightmare.

_Zachary will die if you don't do as you're told!_

_Don't hurt him. Hurt me. I'm not important. No one would miss me!_

David was shocked to hear Dylan saying that. Did he really think that? Or was it being in the nightmare making him say it?

_That stupid dog of yours would. And your friends at the hospital._

_I don't have any friends. I pushed them all away._

Dylan laughed. David wondered if he was awake? He leant over Dylan but he was still clearly asleep and in his nightmare.

_My only friend in life is a bottle of whiskey....._

Dylan cried again. David held onto him tighter, tears forming in his own eyes, as sleep took hold of him.


	16. January 20th

Dylan's eyelids fluttered open as he woke up in unfamiliar surroundings. Ah yeah, he was staying with.....David! Turning his head to the side, David's face was close enough to his that he could see the stubble! So he'd had another nightmare then. Sam must have warned David for him to be lying next to him like this. He wanted to feel angry at Sam for telling someone one of his secrets but he wasn't. He wanted to save his anger in case he had the misfortune of seeing Danny again. He had promised that he'd be back and Dylan wanted to be in the position where he could fight back.

Dylan managed to get out of the bed, get clothes out without waking the snoring David. He was reminded of sitting in the hotel room in France, watching him sleep. Dylan had never really slept well being away from home. It wasn't just a case of missing your own bed either. It was a reminder of what he had lost. First his mother, his foster parents when he went to medical school, Sam and now a part of him was lost on his boat. 

Lofty was waiting outside as Dylan made his way down the stairs an opened the door. "Ben. I'll just be a minute"

"Take your time. I'm early anyway" Lofty watched Dylan put out some fresh food and water for Dervla. 

"Did you want anything?"

"I'm fine. I had breakfast before coming here"

Dylan nodded. The thought of eating anything right now made him feel sick. He poured himself a glass of orange, took one sip and wanted to retch but thought better of it. "I think I'm good to go"

"I take it David doesn't know where we're going?"

"No. I didn't want anyone making a fuss. He's still asleep anyway"

Dylan clipped on Dervlas Lead and the three of them went on their walk to the marina.

*****

Lofty distracted Dylan with tales of life upstairs at Holby City hospital. How he was glad to be back. How he'd met someone he'd like to spend the rest of his life with. 

"Who is the lucky person?"

Lofty smiled at Dylan. He'd said person and not just assumed they would be a woman. Had Dylan known all along? "His name is Dom. He's a Doctor"

"I hope that one day you'll be happy together"

Lofty smiled. "I hope that too"

*****

Arriving at the marina, Lofty noticed that Dylan had started to walk at a slower pace. When his boat was in sight, he stopped completely and started to breathe heavy, body shaking. Lofty steered him over to a wall that they could sit on. Lofty rubbing Dylan's back in soothing circles. "It's ok Dylan. You don't have to go back. Not ever"

"I...need... to...face...my...fear. My....nightmares"

"Ok, but you need to wait this out. Breathe"

*****

This time, Dylan and Lofty made it as far as the jetty. "Ben, I can't do this"

"It's ok Dylan". Lofty wrapped his arms around his friend. "We can try another day"

They both turned away from the boat, walking back the way they'd come,

*****

They made it back to David's before it started to snow. David was making soup. "There you are!"

Lofty looked at Dylan and they both smiled when they realised that David was talking to Dervla.

"I've made soup. Grab a seat"

Dylan and Lofty both sat down at the table. On it was an assortment of bread rolls. Dylan still felt sick but when David came over with the soup, he broke off some bread and dunked it into the soup. It did taste good.

"Did you enjoy your walk?"

"Yes, it was nice. Thanks for asking". Dylan did not want to discuss his and Loftys excursion to the boat. He didn't want David to know he'd been too scared to even go near it.

Loftys face told David that something had happened though. He did wonder if they had gone to the marina. It would be a big step in Dylan's recovery if he had been able to step foot on the boat again. Dylan's abrupt answer had told him he hadn't.

*****

Once lunch was done, Dylan went into the living room with Dervla. "How did the trip to the marina go?"

Lofty looked surprised. "I thought he hadn't told you?"

"He didn't. I just guessed"

"We made it to the jetty. He'll get there in time"

"I'm sure he will" David was tired. 

"Dylan have another nightmare?"

"He told you?"

"He mentioned nightmares, but gave me no details"

"He said he had no friends. That his only friend was a bottle of whiskey. Is that really how he feels?"

"I think it was just his subconscious protecting him from whatever was happening in the nightmare. You know what he's like, keeps everything to himself"

Dylan came through with Dervla. "I think she's wanting fed"

"I need to go, I'm afraid. I'll try and pop down to the ED tomorrow and see how you're getting on". 

Dylan rolled his eyes. "I'm sure it'll be fine. If Zoe has anything to do with it"


	17. January 21st

For the second morning at David's, Dylan woke up next to David, although this time David had his arms around him. A month ago he would have been angry at David for invading his personal space like this. Dylan couldn't be angry with his friend. He was only trying to help him.

"You awake?" Dylan was too lost in his thoughts to hear David, so David squeezed his hand. He smiled when Dylan squeezed his back. "How are you feeling?"

"Glad to not be in my nightmares". Dylan hadn't meant to be so honest with his reply. But these last two nights had made him anxious with his return to work in the morning. Being at the clinic had made him feel safe, tucked away where no one could find him. Leaving had reminded his sub conscious that Danny had said he was going to come back for him. Dylan knew if he said something, Zoe wouldn't let him back without a "bodyguard". He didn't want that at all, drawing attention to himself like that.

"It's ok. You don't need to talk about them, but I'm here if you do". David wanted to know about Danny and he guessed it was the man who had raped Dylan.

"I don't think I can ever talk about them. It was hard enough talking to Sam, Zoe and Ben the little bit I told them of what happened. I couldn't even face going to the boat yesterday. I feel like such a failure"

David sat up and stroked Dylan's hair like he'd done in the night. "You're not a failure Dylan. Your reaction is perfectly normal. The best thing to do is to take things at your own pace"

David rolled off the bed and out of his sleeping bag. Dylan raised an eyebrow. "Done that before I take it?"

"Boy Scouts". Dylan smiled. If there was one thing that David had noticed over the last few weeks was that Dylan smiled more. Odd because of what happened to him but he put it down to spending time with Sam again. The pair of them were quite clearly in love. Well, clear to everyone around them who had seen them together.

*****

Sam popped in during a game of chess in the afternoon. David was loosing. Badly. "I'll take Dervla out for a quick walk"

Dylan went to make him and Sam some tea. 

"You all ready for tomorrow?"

"As ready as I can be. I have a meeting with Ben Harding at 9am. Then I start back in the ED at 10. Zoe is confining me to cubicles though"

Sam smiled. That was the Dylan she knew. "It's not for that long. You'll be back working in Resus before you know it"

"Is David walking in with you?"

"Yes, we're dropping Dervla off at daycare then on to work. I won't be alone at all. Except for a bathroom break". Dylan laughed.

"A way to escape David". Sam poured out the not long boiled water into the teapot. Trust David to still use one. "How have the nightmares been?"

"I've woken up both mornings with David lying next to me. So not so good...."

"I think you're doing well. They didn't appear as frequently at the clinic"

"Better get this tea poured out before it stews"

Sam didn't say anything. Dylan clearly didn't want to talk about his nightmares anymore.

*****

That night, Dylan had thought about asking David to keep him company, like Sam had done, before the nightmares began. Once he was in bed, he wished he had. 

*****

Another nightmare. Danny's face. Taunting him again. Zack crying. Dylan woke up and David wasn't there. He got out of bed and made his way to David's room with the sleeping bag. He climbed inside, inelegantly manoeuvring himself onto the bed next to David. He was embarrassed that he needed someone next to him to attempt going back to sleep.

*****

David didn't mention anything the next morning. He was annoyed with himself that he hadn't heard Dylan through the night. Some friend he was.


	18. January 22nd

As first days back at work went, Dylan's was going well. He had an appointment with Ben Harding before his shift began. Dylan refused to talk about what happened. He'd still only broached the subject with Sam, Zoe, David and also Lofty.

Dylan watched as Sam and Iain came crashing through the doors with a patient, Elle taking over with Robyn as they headed for Resus. He hated not being able to get into the thick of things. Working cubicles only, and not complaining about it, was only for Zoe's sake. Well, his too because there was no way he'd be allowed back if he didn't follow Zoe's orders for the next four weeks. 

Dylan was so lost in his thoughts he hadn't noticed that Sam and Iain were on the way out of the ED until Sam held his hand "you ok?" Dylan nodded. "I'll see you at lunchtime". Sam kissed his cheek, which hadn't gone unnoticed by a few colleagues. 

Iain being one. "You two back together again?"

She rolled her eyes but smiled. "I'd like us to be but for now we're just very good friends"

"That happened to be married not so long ago. You were the one to file for divorce were you not? What changed?"

"Nothing changed Iain. I've always loved him. I just had to let him go because I didn't want to hurt him again. I loved Tom don't get me wrong. Dylan, despite most people thinking he has no feelings, is the most expressive man I've ever met. You just need to look in the right place. I was glad that I came back here. I was glad that despite me pushing him away, he was willing to lie for me to Connie. The spark then was duller. Now it's completely gone"

Iain hugged Sam when they arrived back at the ambulance. "I'm sure everything will be fine"

*****

Dylan was just about to collect another patient from the waiting area when Noel waved a small package at him.

"Doc....Dylan. This came for you last week"

"Thank you Noel". Dylan pocketed the package. It hadn't gone unnoticed by him that everyone had stopped referring to him by his title.

"Are you and Sam back together? I couldn't help notice that she kissed you"

Dylan had been waiting for someone to say something, although his money had been on Louise. "We are not. Just old friends looking out for one another"

*****

Dylan was on his lunch break, waiting for Sam to join him. They hadn't spent that much time together since they'd left the clinic, and Dylan missed her.

Sitting down with a cup of tea, Dylan remembered the package in his pocket. He ripped it open and pulled out a box. Taking the lid of, there was a note at the top.

_I want you to be wearing this the next time I see you._

Dylan recoiled at what was inside the box, that it fell and rolled towards Rash, who had just come into the staff room. Rash picked it up and held it out to Dylan. "Did you drop this?"

Dylan took it out of Rashs hand and fled upstairs, finding solitude in a cupboard.

*****

Sam arrived in the staff room to find Rash and David chatting. Dylan's lunch and tea were on the table. "Have you guys seen Dylan? We were supposed to be having lunch together"

"He was here about 10 minutes ago. He had dropped a curtain ring and I picked it up and gave it to him and he ran off upstairs"

"Why would Dylan have a curtain ring? He doesn't own any curtains?"

"We need to find him"

*****

Dylan went to throw the package away when he noticed there was a neck cord enclosed. He attached the cock ring to it, put it over his head and tucked it under his shirt. He lent against the cupboard door and slid to the floor in tears.

*****

Sam, David and Rash had split up in their search for Dylan. Sam heard the sound of Dylan crying coming from a cleaners cupboard.  
She tried to open the door but realised that Dylan was right on the other side of it. "Dylan? I'm here for you". 

"Go away Sam. You don't need someone broken like me"

"That's not true. You're not broken Dylan. You are just lost and I want to help you find your way again. Whether that's tomorrow, next week or years to come, I'll be here waiting"

After a few minutes Dylan opened the door and hugged Sam, breathing her in, kissing her lips.


	19. January 26th Pt1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: self harm

Dylan and David enjoyed their daily walk to the ED. They had fallen into a routine pretty quickly. After the 3rd night Dylan had stayed, they both slept in David's bed, David insisting on the sleeping bag to avoid any awkwardness. Not that he felt awkward offering comfort to his friend. It was more for Dylan's benefit.

Arriving at the ED, Zoe reminded Dylan that they had a meeting scheduled for after his appointment with Ben Harding. "Bring coffee", she said after Dylan, as he made his way up the stairs. 

"How is he?"

"Still having nightmares, not as frequently". Dylan hadn't shouted out in his nightmares since they'd been sharing a bed. However, he was still plagued by them, David being woken up by Dylan crying last night.

"Make sure he comes to see me when he's done with Ben. He has a habit of avoiding me sometimes"

"Will do". David made his way to the staff room. Robyn and Max were there. 

"Don't listen to him David. He's telling me what he and Zoe got up to last night. I don't think I'll unsee any of that now!"

David smiled at them. It was nice to see some normality. David mentally kicked himself for thinking that. None of this was Dylan's fault and he was sure that Dylan would want everyone to carry on as usual.

*****

Noel knocked on Zoe's door. "Zoe, I have the police here asking after Dylan"

"Send then in". What on earth could the police want with Dylan?. "Hi, I'm Doctor Hanna, acting Clinical Lead. How can I help you?"

"I'm PC Wilkinson and this is PC Holland. We're here to see Doctor Keogh. He's been reported as missing"

"Who by?"

"Someone at the marina. He'd been away over New Year and noticed that Doctor Keoghs boat had been broken into. He called the police"

"He's ok. He's in with our counsellor at the moment"

"Our forensics team discovered that someone was attacked, possibly sexually assaulted as well. We really need to speak with him"

"That's fine. He's having a meeting with me after his session. I just need to call someone. I'll be right back"

*****

Zoe closed the door and put her head in her hands. Dylan really didn't need this. She mentally kicked herself for not letting anyone know at the marina that Dylan would be away until he got his boat sorted.

"Zoe, are you ok?". She shook her head. "What did the police want?" Zoe looked at Charlie, tears forming in her eyes. "Come here". He hugged her. Max came over when he saw that Zoe was upset.

"I'm ok Max. Could you find Sam for me? I think Dylan will need her support when he speaks with the police".

"Sure, I'll get her on the radio"

"Charlie, someone at the marina reported Dylan as missing. I'm not sure he's up to talking to them. If only we'd told them. We could have avoided this"

"I'm sure it will be ok"

"Zoe, Sam and Iain are on their way in with a patient"

"Thanks Max. Can you wait for Dylan? Maybe try and give Sam more time to get here? Get a coffee? And don't tell him the police are here"

"Don't worry Zoe, I'm on it"

*****

Dylan was of course suspicious that Max was waiting for him. "Zoe have you spying on me now? I'm quite capable of finding my own way to her office"

"She's been pulled into a meeting and wanted to make sure you...."

"Oh, she's sent you to make sure I've remembered to get her a coffee? Well I did remember but I don't think she deserves one now"

Max followed Dylan downstairs. "Wait!"

Dylan didn't bother knocking Zoe's office door, choosing to just walk in. He was surprised to see the two police officers sitting in the room with Zoe.

Almost as surprised as Zoe was seeing Dylan burst into the room as he had done. His face when he saw the police though. He was afraid. Max mouthed a "I'm sorry" as he shut the door.

"Doctor Keogh? Well we're glad to see you're ok. A Mr Miller reported that you'd had a break in and also that he'd not seen you for days"

Dylan didn't say anything. He couldn't say anything. He put his left hand in his trouser pocket and cupped the blade from a pencil sharpener in his palm. He clenched his fist enough to feel the pain as he found himself trapped in his nightmare.

"Dylan?". He could hear Zoe's voice but had no idea what she'd said. Zoe got up and went over to him, leading him to the sofa.

"Is he ok?"

"You want to know what happened to him then. I'll tell you. He was raped and drugged over New Year. Here is his file" Zoe went back over to the desk and picked up the file, handing it to PC Wilkinson. "He did goto the local SARC where he had a forensics exam. However, he chose not to get the police involved. But here you are"

"We're sorry. It's out of our hands now that a crime has been reported. We just need to know what happened"

Sam had slipped herself into the room and immediately went over to Dylan. "He was raped, what more do you need to know?"

"This is Sam, Dylan's...."

"....wife". Sam had a feeling she wouldn't be welcome otherwise.

"I'm sorry Mrs Keogh. We need a statement from your husband. We can do it here or at the police station as soon as convenient"

"He's not in any fit state to do it here right now. I can tell you what he's told me"

"You will get chance to have your say if the crown decides to take it to court"

"Court? Wait a minute, you're saying this can go to court? He'd have to say in an open court what happened? That would destroy him" Sam put her arms around Dylan.

"As I said, it's out of our hands now"

*****

Zoe took the police officers out to reception. Ethan began chatting to PC Wilkinson whilst Zoe got some paperwork printed off. They left once Zoe came back.

"What's happened?" 

"They were here asking after Dylan"

"Have they found who attacked him?"

"That's the problem Ethan, he didn't report it. Someone at the marina did"

*****

Sam sat in the office with Dylan, arms wrapped around him. "I love you"

Dylan could hear Sam's voice. Like a beacon calling out to him. He squeezed her hand and she said those words again. I love you. The nightmare was fading away....

"I....love.... you...."


	20. January 26th Pt2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: self harm

It was approaching midday and David hadn't seen Dylan since they had both arrived earlier. He could see Zoe in Charlie's office but there was no sign of Dylan.

"David, you look lost?"

"I was looking for Dylan, Noel"

"He's in Zoe's office with Sam. The police were here"

"Police?"

"I have no idea why. Zoe looked upset after talking to them"

What could the police have possibly wanted with Dylan? Was it about Sanosi?

*****

"Sam..."

"Back with me?"

"I can't talk to the police. I didn't want them involved"

"We're so sorry Dylan. No one thought to tell anyone at the marina you'd had a break in and had moved out"

"I went. With Lofty"

"To the boat?"

"Didn't make it that far. We were going to try again tomorrow"

"Boats off limits for now"

"I don't want to ever go back. Just bin everything". Thoughts of blowing it up, the fate his last boat had succumbed to, crossed Dylan's mind. "I feel like such a failure"

"You're not. You will need to goto the police station to give a statement, or the police can come here or to David's?"

"I'll go with Lofty". Dylan held Sam's hand. "There's things I'm too embarrassed to say in front of you and I hate myself for it"

"Dylan, whatever you did to survive what happened. I don't blame you"

"Then why do I blame myself?". Dylan pressed the fist holding the blade into his other hand, twisting them both around until blood trickled down his wrists.

"Dylan!" Dylan held both hands out. The blade had embedded itself into his hand. Sam ran out of the door, bumping into David. "He's cut himself David"

"It's ok Sam. I'll grab some supplies"

"I need to see Zoe"

"Sure, I'll stay with him"

*****

Dylan was still sat on the sofa staring at his hands. The pain felt good. He needed something else though. He rummaged through Connies drawers, hoping to find something.... ah, there was box of pills. He knew he should know what they were, know what they would do to him when he took them all. But he couldn't focus at all.

David walked in. He saw Dylan with the pills and ignored them. Paying only attention to Dylan's injured hand. "What do we have here?" David started to clean up the wound. "I think we'd be best to send you for an X-ray but I'm not a Doctor"

"You're a nurse. A good one". Dylan sounded so child like.

"Thank you. And you. Are a Doctor. One of the best", David slipped the pills out of Dylan's hand. "Who happens to be in pain right now"

"I'm in pain? Is this what pain feels like? I like it. The voices stop when I'm in pain"

"Yes they do. But it's the voices that help us to make sense of the situation. Make sense of what happened. They are frightening at times and I don't blame you for being scared"

"I'm sorry"

"So am I. For not being there after Sanosi...."

"It's okay. Whiskey has been a friend of mine for many years. Just ask Zsa Zsa"

Sam re-entered the room with Zoe and Charlie. 

"I think it might need an X-ray"

"I'll go and organise one". Charlie went back out. David got up and went over to Zoe.

"When I entered the room, he had hold of these" David handed the pills to Zoe. "I'm sure it was just a reaction to the police turning up"

"Yes, I think you're right. He'd self harmed at the clinic as well. I should really be keeping him off work but I feel that would be counter productive"

"We all need to keep a better eye on him"

*****

Zoe and Sam were outside. "The good news is that Dylan has not done any permanent damage to his hand. The bad news is that he needs to speak to the police"

"He told me he'd go tomorrow with Lofty. He also said they tried going to the boat last week"

"His friendship with Lofty has been good for him. I was worried when he left. When I left even, but he's found a friend in David. Plus he seems to get on with Louise. It was those two that proposed the booze bus"

"Really? I had no idea. Then again, I had no idea she was even a nurse"

"She kept that quiet. So unlike her". They laughed. "Dylan will be fine Sam"

"I hope so Zoe"

*****

Dylan was in cubicles waiting for his hand to be stitched up. He didn't blame Zoe for not wanting to leave him in the office on his own. Although he'd have been better off being left in there as there were far too many ways he could do some serious damage to himself out here. 

He was mentally compiling a list when Louise came in to stitch up his hand. Dylan hadn't spoken to Louise since he'd been back at work. 

"So, you and Sam?". Dylan had been half expecting her to chastise him over hurting himself. 

"We're just good friends. Nothing more to report"

"Noel said she kissed you"

"On the cheek"

"Rash said he'd seen you both snogging"

"Clearly Rash has too much time on his hands. Who is mentoring him? I'll have a word with them"

"It would be lovely if you did get back with Sam. If anyone deserves to be happy it's you"

"Uh, thank you"

"Now let's get your hand fixed up. Can't have you slacking off any longer"

Dylan smiled. Louise was a bit like marmite. You either got on with her. Or you didn't. There really was no in between. He was just glad that he did get on with her.


	21. January 27th

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: mentions of past abuse/rape

_I don't want a future if you are not in it._

_You can be all the things you want to be. You can be a doctor. Anything, but not whilst we're running and hiding. You deserve better and I have to let you go._

_You lied to me. You promised. I believed you._

_Yeah so did I._

_I wanted to be like you. But not anymore. You're nothing but a liar. I wish i'd never met you._

Dylan looked out of the taxi window at the building mocking him. The same building he last saw Sanosi.

"Dylan? You ok?". Lofty could see that Dylan was conflicted.

"I can't go in there"

"Do you want to go back to Davids?"

"No!". Dylan went to open the door again but paused. "I don't know what I want to do"

"Well you need to get out of the taxi while you decide". They both got out, Lofty paying the fare.

"This is where I last saw Sanosi"

"Sanosi?"

"The 12 year old Sudanese boy I trafficked back from France"

"Oh". Lofty knew that there had been something else playing on Dylan's mind when he spoke to him at the clinic. He'd meant to ask Zoe and now felt bad that he hadn't. "Saying goodbye to him must have been difficult"

"It was one of the worst experiences in my life. I let him down. I've let everyone down". Dylan rubbed at the bandage on his hand. It felt good.

"Dylan, you haven't let anyone down"

"But I know I have". Dylan raised his hand up and rubbed at it again. "See, I'm doing it right now. Letting you down"

"Oh Dylan". Lofty hugged Dylan. Dylan hugged him back. "Look we don't have to go in..."

"But I need to get this sorted today."

*****

Dylan and Lofty were shown to the family liaison room. Dylan wondered if Sanosi had been in this room. Had he been as scared as how Dylan felt right now? 

Two members of CID entered the room. One looked at Dylan with a hint of recognition, that turned into a smirk as he sat down and read the case notes.

"Doctor Keogh, I'm DCI Anderson and this is DCI Carroll. I'm going to record this if that's ok?"

"Dylan?". Lofty looked at Dylan.

"I'm...fine"

"Ok, you both need to confirm who you are for the record"

"Doctor Dylan Keogh"

"Staff Nurse Ben Chiltern"

"In your own time, can you tell us what happened on Sunday 31st December through to when you were found by your friends on Wednesday 3rd January"

Dylan closed his eyes: I was in the Smokey Mackeral. I got into a fight. Some guy followed me home, broke into the boat and repeatedly raped and drugged me. 

Dylan noticed DCI Carroll smirk. 

"You're saying it was just one person? We have evidence that there were 3 men involved"

"Three?" Dylan didn't want to tell them about Zack. "No. There were two"

"You just told us there was one person? Which is it Doctor Keogh?"

Dylan looked up at DCI Carroll. He realised who this man was. One of his cousins who had raped him when he was 14. "There were two"

"Go on"

"I didn't know what I was doing, they made me do things. Things that a boy shouldn't be doing"

"A boy?"

"Dylan, what are you talking about? What boy?". For a moment Lofty thought he was talking about Sanosi?

"Maybe we should stop here?". DCI Carroll was getting worried.

"Ok, we'll take a break. Back in 30 minutes". 

Dylan waited until he and Lofty were alone. "I think I'm going to be sick"

"Ok, I'll take you to the bathroom"

*****

Dylan sat in one of the stalls, hunched up, rocking back and forth, rubbing his hand. He couldn't do this, not with his cousin there. He didn't want to have to say that he'd also been raped as a child. Dylan knew it was Robert. He'd wanted to be a police officer as a child. Philip had wanted to be a fireman and Dylan had always wanted to be a vet. 

The bathroom door opened. Dylan could hear footsteps as they approached the stall next to him. "Dylan, if you say anything more about what happened I'll deny everything"

"You're lucky because I don't want to talk about it. Or anything else for that matter"

"You know you could just write a statement? We'd read it out for the purposes of the video"

"Why are you telling me this? I've already told you that I won't say anything about what you and Philip did to me"

"That wasn't the only time Dylan. Do you not remember? You don't do you? Your mind has suppressed those memories too. You only remembered that me and Philip raped you because of the new memories. What if I told you it wasn't just us two"

Dylan frowned trying to remember. "My dad drugged you"

"Uncle Allan?" Dylan had never liked his uncle. He was always plied with plenty of sweets, and know he knew why. He just couldn't remember what had actually happened.

"He drugged us too. Not all the time, not like he did with you. Uncle Brian was always too drunk to realise you were drugged up. Your mum thought something was going on. When you stayed with us for a week one summer, did you ever wonder why you always woke up in dads bed? Dad stopped though. With you"

"He raped you both as well?"

"Yes. He was never the same man after our sister died. Mum was always working to avoid being home with dad."

"You stayed with us after the funeral?"

"That's right. Before the shit hit the fan when we returned home"

"Why didn't you tell anyone?"

"We were scared. We just had each other. We thought we'd be separated"

"I'm sorry"

"For what? You did nothing wrong Dylan"

"For us having shit fathers? For us coming from a crazy family?"

"Why don't you report me?"

"What's the point? It happened over 25 years ago! I'm sure you and Philip both have families now? I won't ruin their lives for the sake of some petty revenge". Dylan finally found the courage to face his cousin and opened the door. "But I don't want you in the room when I go back in there"

Robert nodded. "I won't be and thank you"

*****

True to his word, Robert didn't reappear with DCI Anderson. It was PC Wilkinson who was in the ED the day before.

"I hope you don't mind Doctor Keogh but we thought we'd start again in light of what DCI Carroll told me. You can't be interviewed by family members"

"Let's get on with it then shall we?". Dylan had finally had enough. He felt ready to tell his story. Well, parts of it anyway.

*****

Dylan and Lofty were waiting for a taxi to take them back to David's. "Why didn't you tell them about Zack?"

"Because he didn't rape me"

"But he's still involved?"

"I didn't want to put him in danger. I don't want to speak about this anymore"

Lofty was worried that Zack might be in danger anyway now that the police had the first names of the two men that had assaulted Dylan. But he didn't want to worry Dylan with that.

Dylan knew full well that Zack would be in danger either way. He just didn't want him to be made out as being one of the bad guys when he wasn't.


	22. January 31st Pt1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Graphic description of rape and dubious consent. You have been warned!

Zoe was sat in the office catching up on paperwork. A tedious part of the job, but essential. She looked up and could see Dylan talking to Max at the admin area. Dylan smiled at something that Max had said and looked over at the office. His face changed to neutral when he realised Zoe was watching.  Dylan had been getting on with life as best he could. It hadn't helped that the police were now involved. He still refused to talk to anyone about what really happened. He only kept up with his sessions with Ben Harding because he wasn't allowed back to work otherwise.

Alicia knocked on the door. Zoe motioned for her to come in. "I have a patient that refuses to be seen by a female Doctor. He's injured himself playing football"

Zoe looked at the file. The only male Doctor on duty was Dylan and Zoe didn't think a suspected injury to the testicles was a good idea for him. "Ask Dylan and David to pop in"

*****

"I'm pretty sure I can manage a simple scrotum check. I don't need wrapping up". Dylan walked out of the office.

"Dylan."

David followed Dylan to cubicle 5.

Dylan pulled back the curtain and had frozen by the time David closed it over behind him. Dylan was staring into the face of someone he had hoped he'd never see again. 

David passed Dylan a pair of gloves. He didn't notice that Dylan's hands were shaking but he couldn't miss how Dylan's voice was unusually quiet as he spoke to the patient.

"Mr Edgar"

"Call me Danny. Mr Edgar sounds just so formal, especially as you're examining my balls"

"Danny. When did you last have a check up?"

"About 4 weeks ago?". Danny smirked at Dylan as he stood with his mouth open realising what he meant by that. "Could you guys do me a favour and phone my brother for me? I was supposed to be picking him up but obviously I'm stuck here"

"I'll do it now". David looked at Dylan for approval. 

Dylan didn't want to be left alone with Danny but there was nothing left to do other than book him in for a test. Even though he didn't need one. He nodded, body clenching in fear as he watched David leave the cubicle.

"Finally alone with my Doctor. Did you miss me?"

Dylan wanted to run away and hide. He didn't want to draw attention to himself though. "No"

"You're lying" Danny pulled on Dylan's stethoscope and kissed him. Dylan didn't bother responding. "I see you got my present I sent you". Danny wanted to see what was under the shirt, but not here. "I want that mouth of yours on me"

"No"

"Think of poor Zachary trapped in the boot of my car"

"David might come back"

"Then you'll need to be quick then"

With a pained look, Dylan took Danny into his mouth. "I've missed this. All I could think off when I was in Ibiza was you Doctor Keogh. No other man compared to you".

Dylan was torn between wanting David to come back and put a stop to this and not wanting to embarrass himself for giving in and letting Danny continue to have this hold over him.

*****

David left a message for Danny's brother. Zoe caught up with him and asked how Dylan was getting on. She was a concerned when David told her he'd left Dylan with the patient.  

Pulling back the curtain, they found Mr Edgar alone. "Doctor Keoghs just gone to book me in for some kinda test"

"Thank you". David and Zoe left the cubicle.

Danny got out of the bed as soon as they left. He made his way to the nearest bathroom. He knew he'd find Dylan here and he smirked when he saw him hunched over the sink. 

Dylan was having a panic attack, his breathing becoming more laboured when he saw Danny's reflection in the mirror. He couldn't speak. He couldn't stop Danny from ripping his shirt undone. He couldn't stop Danny from pulling him backwards into a stall. He couldn't stop Danny from unbuckling his trousers and pushing them down with his underwear. He couldn't stop Danny from ripping the cock ring off from around his neck and placing it on his cock. "I want to hear you beg for release again. Right here where anyone can walk in"

"No.....ple....ase....no"

"I'm going to fill you up with my seed and everyone will smell me on you because you're mine" Danny poured some lube on his cock and lined himself up. "I've missed this Doctor Keogh. Just the thought of coming inside you again...."

"Dylan? Are you in here?" David's voice. Dylan was still trying to breathe through his panic attack.

Danny whispered in Dylan's ear. "Tell him you'll be out soon"

"Da..vid.....be....out.....soon"

David nodded. Not that Dylan could see him. "Ok, I'll be waiting for you in cubicles"

Dylan grunted a response as Danny shoved his cock into him. David frowned at the noise but then went out.

"No one can save you from me"

*****

Zoe was waiting outside the bathroom for David. "Was he in there?"

"Yes. He'll be out soon". David wasn't sure whether to tell Zoe that Dylan was having a panic attack. 

*****

"You feel so good"

"Did you have a nice holiday?"

Danny laughed. "I did thank you". Whispering in Dylan's ear again "I know what you're trying to do. You're trying to distract me. Nothing will until I hear you beg. I will stand here fucking you all day if I have to"

"I'm sure David will be back" 

"Maybe, but Jonny is under strict instructions to set the fire alarm off in 30 minutes if I'm not out by then"

"30 minutes? You think you can keep going that long?"

"I know I can Doctor Keogh. It's whether you can"

*****

Zoe looked up from her file and saw David alone. "Dylan not back yet? It's been nearly half an hour"

"I'll go get him". Zoe followed David. She was quite prepared to get Dylan out herself if she had to.

The fire alarm went off just as they reached reception. "Ok, everyone out, this is not a drill. David, go help them in cubicles. Dylan will have to wait". The priority was to the patients.

*****

Dylan was shaking. His outstretched arms in front of him were shaking, his legs felt like jelly from standing in this position for so long. He knew he'd pass out soon. Danny realised this and touched Dylan's cock, stroking it rhythmically. Dylan grunted. Danny took his hand away and smirked as the fire alarm went off. 

Danny opened the stall door and, lifting Dylan up, pulled him out, kneeling him on the floor. He scrunched up Dylan's shirt and pushed Dylan's head down so that the left side of his face was against the floor, cushioned by the shirt. Danny now hit Dylan's prostrate with each thrust, Dylan couldn't help but moan. Danny thrust harder and deeper into Dylan, relishing the sound of his balls slapping Dylan's arse.

Dylan still refused to beg. 

*****

Zoe was concerned that she couldn't see Dylan with the rest of the staff and patients mingling outside. "Who are we missing Noel?"

"Just Dylan. And his patient"

"The one with the possible testicular cancer? Noel, call the police"

Jonny texted Danny from his car. "Best hurry up, they're onto you"

*****

Danny looked at his phone. Then he showed Dylan photos of Zack tied up in the boot of his car. "Still not gonna beg?"

"Don't hurt him"

"What's he to you anyway? I never did get that?"

"He's me, 20 years ago"

Danny still didn't quite get why Dylan was putting himself through this but he honestly didn't care anyway. He always got what he wanted. "Beg for release and I promise I won't harm him"

"Please Danny, I really need to come"

"That's my Doctor"

Danny took Dylan's cock into his hand again and pumped him in time with his thrusts. Dylan made the most obscene noises ever, prompting Danny to fuck him even harder. They both came in multiple orgasms, collapsing in a heap. After a moment, Danny stood up and smeared himself over Dylan's chest, face and hair. "Don't forget Doctor Keogh. You're mine".

Dylan watched Danny leave. He got up, pulling his trousers up and walked out of the bathroom. The whole ED was empty. He made his way outside, limping slightly. 

Zoe saw Dylan's patient walk out and over to a waiting car. When she saw the state Dylan was in when he came outside, her heart broke. He wasn't wearing a shirt and it looked like he'd gotten the rest of him dressed in a hurry.

*****

The cold air hit Dylan as he remembered he wasn't wearing a shirt. He saw Danny get into a car who waved at him triumphantly as they reversed. Straight into an ambulance with Iain and Sam on board. "Sam!", Dylan shouted running over to them. The brothers got out of the car and made a run for it. Then Dylan remembered Zack. "Zack!", he shouted as the world turned black and he crumpled to the ground.


	23. January 31st Pt2

Sam and Iain were on their way to the ED after taking a patient home. Iain slowed when he realised everyone was waiting outside. "Fire crews here" 

Sam noticed a patient run out and then was shocked to see Dylan stagger outside wearing only his trousers. Unbuckling her seatbelt before they'd even came to a stop, she didn't see the car reverse right into them, or anything else after that as she was flung forward, hitting her head on the windscreen. 

Iain only saw Dylan after he shouted Sam's name. He didn't look too good, standing there in the freezing cold with no shirt on. Dylan had also shouted out another name, before falling to the ground. Iain only realised then that Sam was sat unconscious next to him with a gash to her forehead. He checked her pulse. He needed to get her inside.

He got out of the ambulance and went round to Sam's side. There was no way he was getting the door open. 

*****

David and Zoe ran over to Dylan. Charlie shouted for a trolley. Max and Glen were stopped by the fire crew. "You can't go in there until we know it's safe"

"We need to get our colleague inside"

"I'm sorry, but you're not going anywhere"

*****

"Dylan?" There was blood coming from where he'd hit his head when he'd fallen. Zoe was worried he'd been drugged again. "Where's that trolley Max?"

"They won't let us in. Iain!" Max and Glen ran over to Iain. "The fire chief won't let us in to get a trolley". Max realised Sam was hurt "Is she ok?"

"She's hit her head on the windscreen because she took her belt off. Is Dylan ok? He looked a right state?"

"We need to get him inside". The trio got the trolley from the ambulance and rushed over to Dylan. 

"I need to get Sam out". Iain ran back to the ambulance and put a neck brace on Sam. He knew they hadn't been hit at any great speed but he was taking no chances.

*****

Dylan was lifted onto the trolley. His hair, face and chest were unmistakably covered in semen. Zoe cried, Max comforting her.

"Should we make a run for it?" Charlie said indicating the ED entrance. Everyone nodded in agreement. 

"Someone needs to help Iain with Sam"

"Robyn, Elle would you help with Sam?"

"Alicia, David, Charlie, you're with me. Let's do this"

They counted to three and charged towards the doors, ignoring the shouts from the fire crew.

*****

Iain, Glen and Max manoeuvred Sam onto a spinal board and out through the back of the ambulance. 

"We need to get her inside". Elle went over to the fire chief and said they were going in whether it was ok to or not. 

"It's ok, it was a false alarm. Are there any casualties trapped in the vehicles?"

"Just Sam. The two in the car ran off"

"The police have arrived. They can take it from here"

Elle would deal with the police later. She followed her team into the ED, who were headed straight to Resus. She noted that Zoe had opted for small Resus for Dylan. Somewhere a little private considering what had probably happened to him.

*****

"I want Dylan in for a head CT as soon as everyone is back inside. We need to get him into a gown so that we can....." Zoe cried again. Charlie put his hand on her shoulder for support. "I know he's been raped again Charlie. How could I let this happen?"

"Zoe, it's not your fault. You couldn't have known this would happen"

"But I should have prevented it. The signs were there. Patient only wanting to be seen by a male Doctor"

"I was the one to leave him alone with the patient. It's my fault. I could see he wasn't quite himself as soon as we got into the cubicle.  I should have stayed in the bathroom because I thought he was having a panic attack" 

"Beating yourselves up like this is not helping Dylan. We need to get him into a gown and see to any injuries"

Zoe and David both nodded, looking at each other in apprehension. "Alicia and I can manage to get him into the gown whilst you....." Zoe nodded. She'd need to get a forensics kit. She and David left small Resus and went to the store cupboard. 

"I'm sorry I didn't say anything Zoe. To think I went in there, was metres away from...". 

Zoe hugged David. "It's not your fault David. No one could have known the rapist would come back for Dylan. We need to be even stronger for him now"

"I should have known though. The first night he stayed at mine he had a nightmare and said the name Danny. He sounded frightened. I could have prevented this"

*****

Zoe popped in to see how Sam was on her way back to Dylan. She was sitting up in the bed, being stitched up.

"Zoe, how is he?"

"He's still unconscious. We're waiting to take him for a head CT. I'll let you see the results as soon as we get them back but I want you to stay here and listen to Elle"

Sam wanted to protest. She wanted to be in there with Dylan right now. "Sure Zoe"

Rash came into Resus. "Rash, can you see if Charlie and Alicia need a hand?"

*****

Rash entered small Resus and couldn't believe his eyes when he saw Dylan lying there. He'd only just started his shift and had no idea what had happened. "Is Dylan ok?"

"He's been raped. Can you help with his trousers?"

Rash put on some gloves and took Dylan's shoes off first. Then he unzipped his trousers and pulled them off. Dylan's underwear wasn't on quite right and Rash noticed the cock ring. "Oh my god! It was a cock ring not a curtain ring"

"What was?" 

"His first day back. I thought he'd dropped a curtain ring but it was a cock ring!"

"Why on earth would Dylan have one of those?"

"Unless the rapist sent him it?"

"Sent him what?" Zoe and David had arrived back.

"A cock ring"

"What?"

"David, remember his first day back when I told Sam he'd run out of the staff room. He dropped what I thought was a curtain ring. He picked up the envelope and box I assume it came in and went off"

"I remember he and Sam were to have a lunch date. We helped her look for Dylan and found them in each other's arms"

"And no one thought they should inform me? A package for Dylan, the content and that he ran away from the situation?"

"Sorry Doctor Hanna. I didn't think there was anything sinister about a curtain ring"

"Zoe, take a few minutes to yourself. I'll stay here with Dylan"

"Are we still waiting on the scan?"

"Yes, they'll be ready for him in 10 minutes"

"Let me know when he goes"

*****

Zoe needed a cigarette. Standing outside, she watched the flurry of people go by. Max had seen her go out and handed her a coffee. "Is he ok?"

"I have no idea Max. He's not regained consciousness yet. He's going for a CT scan. Hopefully he didn't do any damage when he fell. How could I let this happen?"

"Zoe, don't blame yourself. It wouldn't surprise me if the rapist had told him he'd be back"

"What makes you say that? Did he say something?"

"No, I've not spoken to him at all. It's just a feeling. Like why did he come here? Wanting a male Doctor right when we only had one on duty?"

"You think he was spying on us?"

"Or he was just lucky"

"Would you get everyone together in the staff room in an hour. I want to ask everyone how we managed to fail him"

"Zoe..."

"I know it's not my fault. But I'm Clinical Lead, I should know what's going on with my staff"

"Dr Hanna? They're ready for Dylan now"

"I'll be right in Rash". 

Max hugged Zoe. "He'll be ok".

*****

"Zoe, the police have cordoned off the bathroom and cubicle 5 so the forensics team can gather evidence"

"Thanks Noel". In all the rush to get Dylan treated, she had forgotten about that. Another notch on the "how to fail Dylan" list.


	24. January 31st Pt3

The scan reveals that Dylan has a cerebral contusion (bruising to the brain) "We'll need to keep him in overnight for observation but he should be fine". Zoe's definition of the word fine had certainly changed since becoming a Doctor.

"I'm staying with him"

"I don't think anyone could keep you away Sam". Zoe smiled as Sam held Dylan's hand. She knew it wouldn't be an easy road for them but was glad that they had been given this opportunity to be together again. Like herself and Max.

*****

Glen and Max took Dylan upstairs. With Sam. 

"I hope they catch the bastard. I make no apologies for my language by the way"

"You're only saying out loud what we're all thinking"

"I'm thinking worse than that Max. I better let Zsa Zsa know what's happened. She'd never forgive me if I didn't let her know"

"Thanks Glen. I'm sure Dylan will appreciate it"

Dylan had his own room. As soon as Glen and Max left, Sam climbed onto the bed with Dylan, careful not to disturb the wires connecting him to the monitor. 

Sam didn't care what the nurses thought of her. She never wanted to leave Dylan again.

*****

Zoe's staff meeting had been interrupted by the police. The boot of Danny's car had been empty but they had found an envelope addressed to "Doctor Keogh". Inside were photos of Dylan taken outside, obviously walking due to the slight camera shake. There were also photos of Dervla on the boat. A USB stick was also inside. Zoe looked in horror at what was playing on the screen. She felt sick as PC Wilkinson closed the window on the computer.  "I'm sorry, that was the first time anyone has seen that"

Zoe nodded. She was too shocked to say anything. Dylan's 3 days of hell whittled down to a 3 minute video.

"If it's any consolation, this evidence may mean that it won't go to court. We can see who assaulted him. We have names from the interview Doctor Keogh made. We'll also be looking at the CCTV for today. We had our forensics team in the bathroom and the cubicle getting any evidence. The car has been impounded. I'm certain we will find them"

Zoe wasn't so sure. Would it be that easy? This Danny seemed to be quite formidable. And completely obsessed with Dylan. The only thing she was immediately concerned with was whether he'd be back or not. 

"We'll keep a police officer outside Doctor Keoghs room overnight. I'll be back tomorrow for a statement and from any colleagues that have any additional information"

"I'll be asking them myself how this happened"

"I think Doctor Keogh is keeping important information from us"

"What makes you say that?"

"He told us there were two men involved. There were clearly three men in the video. Witnesses outside today heard him shout out two names. Sam, his wife. And Zack. Zack wasn't one of the names he gave us in his interview"

"He told me about Zack. They were forced to have sex. I'll make sure that everyone who has spoken to him since....all this....speaks to you tomorrow. Something we should have done before now. I'm sure there are people he feels more comfortable in divulging information with"

"Yes, I'd like to speak to Nurse Chiltern who came with him to the interview. I get the feeling that Doctor Keogh trusts him. It couldn't have been easy for him to talk about what happened"

"Yes, Lofty helped Dylan with his OCD. They became good friends until Lofty left"

"He's lucky to have you all for support. I've seen far too many people in the same situation with no support"

Zoe had to agree with that. If anything, Michigan had taught her that life was cruel with no support network. Dylan was one of the lucky ones.


	25. February 1st Pt1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! 6 new chapters here we come!

_Dylan made his way out of the ED in pursuit of his tormentor. He watched helplessly as the car reversed into the ambulance with Sam on board. No! He couldn't loose Sam. Not again...._

Dylan woke up. Sam wasn't there. Where was she? "Sam?", he cried out in a panic.

A hand covered his. "It's ok De-De. Sam's just getting a shower". That voice, he recognised it.

"Zsa Zsa?"

"Yes Dylan, I'm here. Do you remember what happened?"

Dylan screwed up his face trying to remember. "I was chasing a patient out of the ED. A car hit an ambulance. Sam?"

"She's fine"

Dylan looked around the room confused. "Yet I'm the one lying here it would seem? And you're here? In Holby? Is Glen ok?"

"Well I've not seen him yet but he was ok when he called to say what had happened yesterday. I caught the first flight over"

"My head hurts"

"Can you remember how you hurt it?"

"Had I been drinking?"

"Not this time De-De" 

"I want Sam"

"She'll be back soon. Tell me about Danny"

"Danny?"

"You don't remember Danny? What about Zack?"

Dylan shook his head in confusion. "How about Zoe?"

"Is she okay?"

Zsa Zsa reached for his hand. "She's fine". 

Zsa Zsa could see Sam outside. "I'll be back in a minute"

"Does he remember what happened?"

"He remembers you were hurt. Keep talking to him. Reassure him. I'm going to find Zoe"

Dylan's face lit up when he saw Sam. "You're ok?!"

"I'm fine Dylan". Sam sat on the bed next to him and held his hand.

"I love you. I'm glad you decided to work here after your last tour. We can try and work things out"

"Tour?"  Sam closed her eyes. Dylan must be suffering from amnesia. "Yes, I'd like that", she added reassuringly. Although talking and working things out hadn't happened last time. Dylan had never been the one to talk things through.

"We could try again for another child? I'm sorry for everything I said". 

Sam squeezed Dylan's hand. She wanted a child with Dylan more than anything. But would he still feel that way once his memory had returned? "I'm sorry too. We just need you to get better"

"Better? I don't think I ever will get better. Some things just stay with you for life" Dylan turned away from Sam. Had he remembered? Was he shunning her?

"I'm here for you no matter what Dylan. I love you". Sam lay down behind Dylan, stroking his hair until he fell back to sleep.

*****

Zsa Zsa stood in the reception area of the ED wondering where Zoe's office would be.

"Can I help you?"

"I'm looking for Zoe. I'm Dylan's friend"

"Oh Zsa Zsa?! Nice to meet you! Glen has told me lots about you. I'm Noel by the way. Zoe is in her office with the police. They are interviewing everyone that has spoken to Dylan since...well, you know"

"Is there somewhere I can wait?"

"Yes, I'll take you through to the staff room"

Glen was in the staff room with Max.

"I wish I was here under better circumstances"

"It's so unfair. He was so good to me"

"I'm sure it will be okay in the end. He's been given another chance to be with Sam".  Zsa Zsa hoped that Dylan and Sam would get back together again. 

"They need to embrace it like Zoe and me"

"I'm sure they will. When Dylan's ready to. Usually victims find it hard to be intimate with anyone to start with".

"Thank you Zsa Zsa for giving me that image of Dylan and Sam for the rest of the day"

"Your man enough to cope I think Max"

"Very funny Glen. Is Dylan awake?"

"He woke up not too long ago. I don't think he's remembered exactly what happened. For now, I think just myself, Sam, Zoe and David should see him today"

"Cool. We're waiting to speak to the police, but we'll definitely go and visit him tomorrow"

*****

"Nurse Chiltern, tell us about Zack. Why didn't Dr Keogh tell us about him when he gave his statement?"

"Dylan was embarrassed that he didn't put up a fight to stop what happened. They'd threatened to hurt Dervla, his dog. And Zack. Dylan thinks he hurt Zack after they were forced to have sex. They wanted Zack to rape Dylan but he refused to. They made Zack watch them"

"How did they meet?"

"They met in the pub. Dylan had got into a fight and Zack must have helped him. He blames himself for what happened. He wanted to protect Zack, which is why he didn't tell you about him"

"Any idea as to why Dr Keogh was out drinking alone? From what we've been told, he never goes to the pub. No one has seen him drink"

Lofty looked at Zoe. This is where he should be telling them about Sanosi but he didn't consider it being relevant because, why did it matter if Dylan had been drinking or not? But then he wouldn't have been in the pub in the first place.

"I'm sorry, I have no idea. He wouldn't even come over to the pub on my last day in the ED"

"We've been told you were good friends. He must have been upset when you left"

"I dunno, he made a friend in David"

"It's interesting how quickly he became friends with Zack"

"All I know is that he didn't want Zack to be in danger by telling you about him"

*****

Zoe and Lofty left the office, walking straight to the staff room.

"Well done for not mentioning Sanosi"

"I don't think it's relevant to what happened to Dylan. He has enough to worry about"

"Hey Zoe, come and meet Zsa Zsa"

"It's good to finally meet in person. How is he?"

"He did wake up. I'm not sure he remembers what happened but I told Sam to keep talking to him"

"The police will want to speak to him, but they have other members of staff to see first. Glen, you're next"

"I should really be going back upstairs"

"Stay for a quick cuppa mate?"

"So you're Ben? Dylan never liked referring to folk by their nickname"

"Lofty did manage to tame him. Or is that train him?". Zsa Zsa laughed. It was true, Dylan did need taming on occasion. Probably why he and Sam got on so well, with her having been in the army.

"Yes, he did eventually call me Lofty"

"Why Lofty?"

"He lived in our loft and was rumbled by my sister, Robyn"

"Robyn? As in Glens Robyn?"

"Yes, she's my step sister "

"What a nice little family you have here. I'm glad Dylan has you all as friends" Zsa Zsa knew that leaving Dylan behind again would be heart breaking but also knew he would be alright with his friends around.

*****

"So, Nurse Hide, you and Dylan are friends?"

"Well more colleagues than...."

"You went to France together?"

"With two other colleagues"

"Did anything happen in France?"

David looked up at PC Wilkinson. "No, nothing happened at all"

"It couldn't have been easy though. Seeing all those people. Children especially"

"No it wasn't easy. I have a son myself"

"Why did you leave Dr Keogh with the patient? You said to colleagues that he looked uncomfortable?" 

David put his head in his hands. So his colleagues were blaming him? "I asked him if it was okay. It's not the first time I've left him"

"But you didn't heed Dr Hanna's advice. And you left him in the bathroom when you thought he was having a panic attack?"

"Which I regret now. Yes, he is my friend and I've let him down in the worst possible way"

*****

David left the office. He wanted to be on his own right now.....


	26. February 1st Pt2

"Mrs Ke....actually, you're not married. You're divorced?"

"That's right. I still love him though"

"I'm not questioning that"

"It just felt so natural, so right to tell them at SARC and the clinic that I was his wife"

"And us?". PC Wilkinson smiled. "It's ok. You were doing what you thought best for him. Did you suspect this Danny would come back?"

"No. Dylan never mentioned him. Only Zack, who he made quite clear wasn't the one who raped him"

"Why do you think he started drinking?"

"Because I came back into his life? It was me that pushed for divorce. I knew he still loved me. I still loved him but I wanted him to be free and live his life. I saw things in the Army that have changed me. Changed my outlook on life. We lost a baby on my first tour, Dylan began drinking again, I cheated on him"

"I see from his file that he'd been suspended for drinking on duty at his last hospital. I take it he has a history of alcohol abuse?"

"I suspect so. He certainly was good at hiding it before we lived together. I told him I wouldn't marry him if he didn't get sober. I didn't want our children growing up with an alcoholic for a father. That shocked him into sobering up. I guess his own father drank. I never did meet him"

"Brian wasn't a nice man. What father would call his own son a freak?" Zoe looked up at PC Wilkinson apologetically.

"The same one that didn't realise his nephews had raped his son?"

PC Wilkinson flicked through Dylan's file. "There's no mention of that?"

"It was never reported. Dylan only told me at the clinic. He was 14 and just thought it was sex. His mum was a nurse and stopped him from seeing his cousins again"

"Is his mum still alive?"

"No. She committed suicide after his dad walked out on them when Dylan was 15. She hadn't taken it well. Dylan ended up in care"

*****

David looked in on Dylan, who was sleeping. The nurse looked up at him and motioned for him to come in. David stuck his head through the door. "Sit with him for a bit". David reluctantly walked into the room and sat down. 

"I'm sorry Dylan. When you mentioned Danny in your nightmares I should have realised....." David unclipped his bum bag and threw it into the bin. He wouldn't be needing his medication now.

****

"Dr Hanna, it's safe to say that you have known Dylan for a long time. You survived a fire together? That must have been intense?"

"The fire or surviving Dylan all these years?"

"He sounds like he might be trouble. Sorry, that's a bit unproffessional of me"

"It's fine. He's a very good friend and we've survived a fire twice now"

"Twice? Here in the ED and?"

"My wedding. His boat blew up. I nearly drowned"

"I think we've spoken to everyone we wanted to see. Except for Dr Keogh, but we'll come back tomorrow at 3pm. Thank you for your time Dr Hanna"

"No problem"

Zoe watched as PC Wilkinson and her colleague left her office. Charlie popped his head in. "Finally finished?"

"They just need to speak to Dylan tomorrow. I've not seen him since yesterday"

"Why not go up now? We're managing okay here"

"Thank you Charlie. I will do"

*****

Dylan was being grumpy, picking at the food he'd been given for dinner. "If someone doesn't bring me a Greggs tomorrow, I'm discharging myself"

Zsa Zsa and Sam smiled. Dylan's memory was returning, although he hadn't spoken about what had happened the day before. He knew he was staying with David and much to Sam's relief, he'd remembered they'd divorced. Well not relief as such, as she wondered if Dylan had remembered the little things that had happened between them since he'd been found on the boat. She didn't need to worry. Dylan still looked at her like he'd done the previous day. Still held her hand. Still kissed her. Still worried that he was too broken for her.

"I'll make sure to get you a Greggs on my way in tomorrow then" Zoe said, giving Dylan a hug as she sat down. "Have they said when they're letting you out?"

"I told them to keep him here till Saturday". Dylan looked at Zsa Zsa frowning. "I can see you frowning De-De. If I had my way, you'd be back at the clinic. I thought being in familiar surroundings would be better for you"

"It's only two nights Dylan. I've let David know he's got two nights off" Sam was selfishly glad to have Dylan for herself for two nights.

Dylan looked at Sam. David had been here. Had spoken to him when he thought Dylan had been asleep. He couldn't remember what he'd said though. "It'll be Sam's turn to keep me awake with the snoring then"

"Oi you!". Sam playfully smacked his hand. 

"David a snorer?"

"I hardly slept in France. I think I keep him awake now though. Worrying about me and blaming himself for what happened"

"Yes and after yesterday...." Zoe stopped when she realised Dylan had curled in on himself, burying his face between the pillow and Sam. "I'm sorry Dylan. The police want to speak to you tomorrow"

"I'll be there with you" Sam said stroking his hair.

"I'm done with speaking about it. What's done is done"

"Zack wasn't in the car" Dylan looked up worried. "For his sake, just tell them about him"

Like a petulant child, Dylan sat up in anger, pushing the dinner tray onto the floor. "I don't want to"

*****

Dylan refused to speak to anyone for the rest of the night. Reaching for Sams hand when she climbed into the bed behind him he spoke. "I'll tell them about Zack if they ask"

Sam kissed him goodnight.


	27. Frbruary 2nd Pt1

Zoe had gone to Greggs as promised buying Dylan all his favourites as a peace offering. She was surprised to see he wasn't lying in the bed with Sam and assumed he'd gone to the bathroom. And then she remembered he had a catheter in. Yes, the catheter stand had been abandoned and he'd unhooked himself from the monitor. Zoe touched Sam gently. "Do you know where Dylan has gone?"

Sam looked to where Dylan had been and then at Zoe in confusion. Where was the police officer that was supposed to keep an eye on the room? Zoe hadn't seen anyone this morning. Alerting security, she asked them to keep an eye out for Dylan and to look on CCTV.

Sam came back from the bathroom empty handed. 

"He wouldn't have gone far in a gown surely?"

"I'll check the Consultants office". Sam ran down the corridor. His coat was gone. Sam's phone rang. It was Iain. Dylan had "stolen" an RRV. 

"Where on earth would he go Zoe?" Sam was panicking. "Could it be Danny back for him?"

Zoe spotted David's bum bag in the bin. Retrieving it she held it up. "David. He's gone to David's"

*****

Dylan pulled up outside David's house. He hoped he wasn't too late as he ran bare foot to the door. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the key. "David!"

He heard a noise from upstairs and went up, vision blurry. Dylan stood there for a minute until he could focus. He could hear David crying and made it to the bathroom in time to see David emptying his pills away into the toilet. "What happened to me wasn't your fault David"

David just stared back, tears streaming down his face. "I don't believe you"

"I knew it was Danny. I could have walked away. But I didn't"

"I could see you weren't quite yourself. I should have got you out of there"

"And the end result would have been the same. He told me he was going to come to the ED. I just never thought he actually would. I don't really care about what happens to me but I care about you. Zsa Zsa. Zoe. Robyn. Glen. Charlotte. Rihanna. Max. Hazel. Lofty. Sam, who I love with all my heart. And even though I hardly know him, I care about Zack. He reminds me of myself. We both have bad relationships with our fathers but he's so hopeful for the future like I was. My guilty pleasure was whiskey. Zack's? I'm still unsure"

"So Danny would have threatened you anyway?"

"I believe so. He said he had Zack in the boot of his car and showed me a picture on his phone"

"When I went into the bathroom.... you were having a panic attack?" Dylan nodded. "Was he?......please tell me the truth"

"Yes", whispered Dylan. 

"I can't feel a thing on these. I can be a better friend to you if I don't take them"

"David. You are a good friend. Maybe I don't show you as much as I should do. I was glad to have you with me in France and I'm glad you're here for me now. How long have you not been taking them?"

"Since yesterday"

"Good". Dylan hugged him, taking David by surprise. And bringing him back to reality when he realised Dylan was only wearing the hospital gown and his coat.

"Did you escape for me?". Dylan smirked. "You'll have them worried you've been kidnapped"

"You'll have to bring me back then"

"I'll just get ready. I take it you found my bum bag?"

"In the bin"

David's phone rang. "It's Sam. Do you want to speak to her?"

"Sam....I'm ok........sorry..........it was urgent.......no, it's between me and David..........oh you found it...........no I couldn't wait.......sorry........tell Iain sorry..........yes I drove bare foot.........it's just like that time when I drove the Land Rover.......sorry.........David will be driving.......oh I forgot about that........I have shoes here........and clothes...........I forgot that I was staying here.........I love you too"

Dylan handed David back his phone. "I guess I can be a little wreckless at times"

"How did you get here?"

"I stole an RRV". They both laughed. 

*****

"I'm going to phone David". Reaching into her pocket she pulled out her phone and dialled David's number. "David, please tell me Dylan is with you?!"

"Dylan!.....don't ever do that again?.....I was worried about you......I could have helped......I found his bum bag.....couldn't you wait for me?.......I thought you'd been kidnapped.....you stole an RRV.....you had no shoes......you silly man.....don't say anything more!......I'm coming to get you.....he's not insured Dylan......you can't drive barefoot again......and clothes.....Just come back to me in one piece, I love you"

Sam looked at Zoe as she pocketed her phone. "They're on their way back"

"Should he even be driving?"

"You know what Dylan's like, he'd say we're fussing. If he thought he couldn't manage he'd have said so"

"Shall we grab a coffee and wait for them downstairs?"

"Yes, but I'm taking these steak bakes. Just tell Dylan they didn't have any"

*****

Dylan and David drove back in silence. Sam came running over. "Don't ever frighten me like that again!"

"I'm..." Dylan didn't get to finish what he was saying as Sam was kissing him. He kissed her back. 

Aware that several pairs of eyes were upon them, they pulled apart laughing. "Lets get you back inside"

"Only if you promise we can continue where we left off?". Sam nodded and took Dylan's hand. Maybe they would get their happy ending after all?


	28. February 2nd Pt2

Dylan was unimpressed that he had to put a gown back on and be hooked up to the monitor again. The only thing that stopped him complaining was the Greggs that Zoe had got him. Minus the steak bakes that Sam and Zoe had eaten. "You should be lucky we left you anything after doing a runner"

"I'd rather be doing you". Sam looked at Dylan and saw the surprise on his face when he'd realised what he said. "Um..sorry....that kind of just.....Freudian slip"

"I don't think it was Dylan. I want you too. But not here"

"You know Zsa Zsa is flying home on Sunday? She wants to take us all out for an early dinner tomorrow?"

"Are we secretly arranging a date?"

"It's no one else's business no. But I thought we could do something after? After dinner?"

Sam put her arms around Dylan's neck. "I hope you're thinking the same thing I am Dr Keogh"

*****

PC Wilkinson and her colleague arrived promptly at 3pm. Dylan still didn't want to talk about any of this and had refused to do so in his room. So the four of them were sat in the Consultants office. Dylan avoided eye contact with everyone. Sam took his hand. She had told him if he felt frightened or unsure to squeeze hers and she'd ask them to take a break.

"Dylan, can you tell me what happened with Danny?"

Dylan closed his eyes and reopened them. "Zoe had called us, David and me that is, into her office. A patient was asking to be seen by a male doctor. Not uncommon at all but Zoe was concerned because of where the injury was. I of course was not happy. I'm a doctor, I can't pick and choose who I see. As soon as I entered the cubicle I knew it was him. Danny. I didn't want to be left alone with him but I sent David out because I knew Danny would do something. I didn't want to see David hurt. He made me....." Dylan felt Sam gently rubbing his hand ".....give him a blow job"

"Is this when your panic attack started?"

Dylan nodded. "I had to get away. The bathroom wasn't exactly the best place when I had the whole hospital. He followed me in after a few minutes. I just let him drag me into a cubicle like I let him push me into my bedroom on the boat. I let him. I didn't fight back"

Sam spoke. "Dylan, you didn't let him do anything. Did you tell him no?"

"I did. More than once"

"Then you did fight back. Not physically, but I don't think either time you were in a position to do so"

"Leaving me open and weak?" Dylan looked at Sam. "I do wonder what you ever saw in me?"

"The same man I see now"

"Ahem"

"Sorry. A little off topic"

"I like Topics"

PC Wilkinson laughed. "So do I Dylan"

"He made me tell David I was okay. He told me Jonny would set off the fire alarm if he hadn't heard from him in 30 minutes. He made me wear the cock ring he'd sent me in the post. He did that to me on the boat. He and Jonny. Together....." Dylan cried. Sam put her arms around him. "They punished Zack by both raping me at the same time. They didn't drug me. I remember Zack was crying. I didn't care about my pain. Only his". Dylan's breathing became laboured.

"Dylan breathe it out. It's okay"

"Not.....ok......is......it?"

"We'll take a break?". Sam nodded to PC Wilkinson and mouthed a thank you.

*****

"Dylan...."

"I can't even talk about it when I want to"

"It's okay. Just concentrate on what happened here"

"But it's reminding me of what happened on the boat! I can't do this Sam"

"Yes you can Dylan. I'm here for you, never forget that"

*****

"Ready to continue?"

Dylan nodded. "Danny wouldn't stop unless I begged him to. He showed me photos of Zack on his phone. He was definitely tied up in a car boot. When he was done he left me. I went outside and well, you know the rest"

"How did you meet Zack?"

"In the pub"

"The Smokey Mackerel?"

"Yes. I'd got into a fight. He helped me afterwards. He invited me to a club with his friends. I didn't go but we both went for a walk. He stopped for chips and we sat down whilst he ate them. It cleared my head a bit. Zack mentioned he wanted to go to college and do Photography. He had a camera and took photos of me. He mentioned his father wouldn't be happy with him coming home late. Being the start of a new year, new things I invited him back to the boat"

"We'd only been on the boat a few minutes when Danny and Jonny broke in. Zack was clearly afraid of them as he tried hiding behind Dervla. My dog. Danny threatened to hurt Dervla if I didn't do what they said. When we were alone, I told Zack to escape but he refused to. Then we were forced to have sex. I let him. He fled the room in tears afterwards"

"I vaguely remember he was in the room when I was drugged. I thought about escaping myself....." Dylan closed his eyes "and because he refused to rape me, they made him watch as they both...."

"It's okay Dylan...."

"No it's not okay. I told him I didn't blame him for what happened. I still don't. It's Danny. Zack is afraid of him"

"Do you think Danny will be back?"

"I know he'll be back for me." Dylan squeezed Sams hand tight "His last words were: Don't forget Doctor Keogh. You're mine"

*****

"As I'm sure you're aware Dr Hanna, your staff will need to be extra vigilant. Will Dr Keogh still be on short days when he starts back again?"

"Yes, for two more weeks he will be"

"We believe Danny will be back. Unless we find him first that is. The address he gave was to a building site"

"And even if he gave us his real name?"

"Highly unlikely. He seems like an intelligent man"

"That's what worries me the most. He won't stop until he gets what he wants"


	29. February 3rd

Dylan had finally been discharged and was waiting to talk to Zoe. She was in with the new F1 who seemed so young. He'd met Sam when she was a fresh faced F1. She hadn't been afraid to speak to him like many new doctors before had. The main reason he had let her into his heart all those years ago.

"Dylan! They let you out then I see?". Dylan rolled his eyes at Zoe. "This is our new F1, Doctor Kinsella. If you think you're okay to come back to work on Monday, I thought you'd like to mentor her?"

Dylan stared at Zoe. He had thought that she would make him wait a week before he'd be allowed back. "Yes, if she's thinks she can handle me?"

"I'm sure I'll manage Doctor?"

"Keogh. Dylan Keogh"

"As you know I'm Doctor Kinsella. Bea"

"Bee? As in the insect?"

"Different spelling"

"Right, now that's sorted, Dylan you can go get ready for tonight"

"You two together?"

Dylan and Zoe looked at each other and laughed. "I think we could have been good together?"

"You think? Cheeky! No, I'm married and Dylan here is? What are you?"

Dylan rolled his eyes and then frowned. "Well I'm divorced but I've fallen in love again with my ex wife"

"You should see the two of them together. They're like teenagers"

Bea smiled. "That's so cute"

"I'm hoping you're not referring to me as being cute? I need to keep my grumpy mirage up"

"He's not kidding either. I'm sure you two will get along fine"

*****

Dinner with his friends was lovely. Dylan looked around at everyone sat at the table. Robyn, Glen and Charlotte. Hazel and Rihanna. Zoe and Max. David. Zsa Zsa. Sam. He wished Zsa Zsa could stay for longer. 

"You know, that job offer still stands. It would only be for 6 months?"

"I'm not sure what Sam would think"

"She's welcome to come with you. I'd happily employ her as a Doctor"

"Maybe"

"Well you have until the end of next month to let me know"

"Thank you"

"I'm going to say goodbye to Glen now. Take care De-De" They hugged each other tightly. Dylan sat back down at the table with Sam. 

"Did you tell David you were staying at mine tonight?"

"Of course. I promised him we'd play Monopoly tomorrow night. He's bored of chess"

"Maybe I want you with me forever?" Dylan raised an eyebrow. "Too soon?"

"Considering we were married, no it's not. But I want to take my time after what's happened"

"I understand" Sam leaned in for a kiss. "I love you"

*****

Sam's flat was bigger than Dylan's boat. It had an open plan kitchen and living area. "It's big enough for me" Dylan nodded in agreement. "Did you want anything to drink? I have....." Sam opened the fridge ".....out of date juice"

"I'm fine for now. At the moment, I just want you". Dylan pulled Sam away from the fridge and kissed her, unbuttoning the blouse she was wearing. 

Sam smiled into the kiss as her blouse fell to the floor. She unbuttoned Dylan's shirt, unbuckling his belt as she reached his trousers. Dylan stilled. "You ok?". 

He closed his eyes and scrunched up his face. This is Sam who you love, not him, Dylan told himself. He nodded and Sam pushed his trousers down. Stepping out of them, Dylan unhooked Sam's bra and found the zip to her trousers. Her breath hitched as he pushed them down along with her panties. Dylan was kissing her, Sam kissing back.

Sam took hold of his hands and pulled him towards the bedroom, pushing him down onto the bed. Dylan lay there looking up at her. She was beautiful. He smiled sheepishly at her as she pulled his boxers off. Squeezing his hand she kissed him, Dylan kissing back, tongues exploring each other's mouths. Sam straddled Dylan and touched his cock. He let out a moan. And then he was crying, pushing Sam away, thrashing about, body convulsing. "No. Not again!"

"Dylan, it's Sam. I'm here. I won't hurt you". Sam stroked his hair.

"No, don't touch me!"

"I'm not going to do that Dylan". Sam pulled the duvet up over them snuggling against him. 

Once the convulsions had stopped Dylan quietly said "I'm sorry. I can't even have sex without thinking it's him"

"I'm sorry for not thinking to take it slow. It's okay. We can wait until you're ready"

"And what if I never am ready?"

"Then we don't have sex. I love you no matter what"

"You'll be loving a broken man then. You can do better and should do"

"I don't want any other man Dylan. I want you. Broken or not"

Dylan was silent for a moment. "Do you believe things happen for a reason?"

"Sometimes. Why do you ask?"

"I'm not sure"

"Well I'm sure of one thing. Life has given us a chance to love each other again and I'm embracing it"

"You know you're the only woman I've ever loved. I quite liked Zoe at one point though"

"I know you did. I saw the look she gave you after I told her we were married. I guess in what you thought were your last moments, you didn't think to tell her you liked her?"

"No. We were still married. She kissed me. On the cheek"

Sam kissed Dylan's head. "Let's goto sleep. An early night will do us good. Then you can join me for a run in the morning"

"The last time I did that I fell over remember"

"Yes and you pulled me down with you. I still think you did that on purpose"

"Fell over or pulled you down?"

"Both"

Dylan laughed. Sam felt happy that she could still make him laugh, despite everything that had happened.


	30. February 4th

He hated himself for running away, not that he really was. He knew there was only one place at the moment where he could face his demons.....

*****

Sam woke up alone. When she went through to the living area she had hoped to see Dylan but there was no sign of him. Or his clothes. Looking at the clock she figured 6am was too early to phone David to ask if Dylan was there. She also made a mental note to get Dylan a new phone. Sam did what she did every morning when she woke up early. Went out for a run.

*****

David had just got out of the shower when Sam rang the doorbell. "Is he here?"

"I don't think so. I'll go up and check"

Sam sat in the kitchen with Dervla. 

David shouted down. "He's not up here. I'll be down in a jiffy"

"Do you think he's gone to the boat girl?". Dervla whined. "I think he has"

"Did you run here?"

"Running helps clear my mind"

"What happened? Why did he leave?"

"Sex reminds him of what happened. He thought I was Danny"

"Oh..... he just needs time"

"That's what I told him David. I don't care if we don't ever have sex again. I love him too much"

"Don't forget he's still a bloke. Feeling he's inadequate for you"

"He keeps saying he's broken. Physically he didn't look broken to me" David screwed his face up and looked away. "Sorry David. Just what you needed planted in your mind"

"It's ok. In another time and place I could join you. Well not physically join you both. Just in your thoughts"

Sam raised an eyebrow at David, who busied himself pouring them both a glass of orange juice. "Drink this and we'll walk to the marina. I'm sure Dervla will be glad to see him. If he's there"

*****

Dylan stumbled down the stairs to the boat pausing at the door. The last time he had gone into the boat was with Zack. Everything was pretty much where he'd left it. His camera bag, Dervlas spare lead. He sat on the sofa shaking. Shaking from the cold or through the fear of being here. His home. Dylan wasn't sure. But he'd finally done it. Visited the boat. He couldn't bring himself to enter his bedroom though. Leaning back on the sofa, the rug was still on the back of it. Picking it up, he flicked it out and a piece of paper came flying out. Reaching down he saw that it was addressed to him.

_Dylan - please believe me when I tell you that I am truly sorry for the hell you endured for me and Dervla. I looked after her. She reminded me of Nemo. I'm going to try and reconcile things with my dad. He doesn't like the fact I'm gay, so his attitude will not have changed, but if I don't try, I will never know._

_If you don't hear from me by the end of February, please contact my dad. Danny is still threatening to kill me if I don't do what he says. I told Dervla I was going to kill myself. I still would but he's so obsessed with you. Be careful Dylan - from Zack_

Dylan noted that Zack's father was a solicitor. He put the letter in his pocket. Now it was time to confront what had happened. Opening the bedroom door, Dylan fell to his knees. Crying.

*****

Dervla barked as Sam and David approached the boat. She ran into the boat. Dylan was definitely here then. She howled when she saw Dylan on the floor of his bedroom.

Sam went in first. Dervla was licking Dylan's face. He showed no reaction whatsoever. "Dylan?" She felt for a pulse and was relieved to find one. "Dylan it's Sam"

"Sam?"

"What are you doing on the floor?"

"Looking up at your beautiful face". Sam smiled down at him. "This is me confronting my demons head on"

"By lying down?"

"What's the point in being the same as everyone else? What's the point in anything?"

"I know. I understand. It's best to take life as it comes. Deal with all the shit thrown at you as it comes"

"Focus on the future and not dwell on the past?"

"Well done for getting this far Dylan"

"Will you help me learn to defend myself? I need to be able to at least delay him when he comes back?"

"Of course I will. But you need to promise to listen to my instructions this time"

Dylan smirked remembering how not listening had annoyed Sam years ago.

"In fact, we should do it as a class. See if we can get some of our colleagues interested?" Sam looked behind her at David. "You'd join a kick boxing class?"

"Me? Um yes okay"

"We'll run it by Zoe tomorrow"

"Dylan, is there anything you want to bring back to mine whilst we're here?"

Dylan looked around. There really wasn't anything he'd missed. "Maybe some of my books"

"You still have that old record player?"

"No, that's not the same one. It got destroyed on my last boat. Everything is just for sentimental purposes really"

"Does that explain this then?" Sam was holding up their wedding photo hidden between two books.

"Of course. I have most of our things in storage. The rest I gave away"

"You never said before?"

"You never asked"

"We'll have to go and look"

Dylan took his jacket off the hook. "Keys, for the Land Rover. We'll go and get some breakfast"

Sam and David watched Dylan assemble a pile of belongings on the table. They both shared a smile at the progress Dylan was making. None of them would ever forget what happened but they were both strong, supporting Dylan and each other.


End file.
